


A Practice In Holding On

by Weevilo707



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Barry and lup both survive the voidfishing, Falling In Love, Memory Loss, Multi, Mutual Pining, Wedding Rings, and are set up with new lives by lucretia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weevilo707/pseuds/Weevilo707
Summary: Lup was a lot of things. She was a kickass chef and a pretty decent wizard. She used to run an excellent cooking show with her twin brother, and due to recent circumstances said show was currently on a short hiatus as they were caught up running from Death itself. So she had a lot on her plate,  way too much to even think about having a relationship.She didn't have time to think about the wedding ring hanging on a silver chain around her neck.Barry Bluejeans wasn't a lot of things. He wasn't outgoing, spending most days either in his small apartment or working at Neverwinter University. He wasn't that good with people or kids, but that unfortunately wasn't stopping him from trying his best to manage the boy detective that wouldn't take no for an answer. Most importantly though, he also wasn't married.The wedding ring wrapped neatly around his finger begged to differ though, and he wasn't going to stop until he figured out what it all meant.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans & Angus McDonald, Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 132
Kudos: 283





	1. A Lot Of Things

Barry Bluejeans wasn’t a lot of things.

He wasn’t particularly outgoing. He stayed in most days he could, and when he did go out it was usually just to his job or the library. He wasn’t much of a people person. He tended to be described as rather sarcastic, biting and grumpy on most days, and he was aware that made most of his coworkers and students not the biggest fan of him. He tried not to be cruel, especially to his students, because he didn’t think he was a bad person either.

He just wasn’t the best at caring most days.

He was a professor, but he wouldn’t even say he was particularly smart. He mostly taught entry level arcana, and he wasn’t even sure how he got the job. Somehow he managed to convince the place not to fire him yet though.

He wasn’t brave. He couldn’t fight, he didn’t have the best memory and he never bothered to push himself out of his comfort zone.

Barry Bluejeans also, by all accounts, wasn’t married.

That should really be one of the more cut and dry things about him. He wasn’t even dating anyone and hadn’t been in, gods, he couldn’t even remember how long. He was pretty sure any relationships he had in the past never lasted all that long on top of that too. As already stated, he wasn’t outgoing and definitely not all that great with people.

And most days he was able to go about his life with that knowledge firmly squared away in his brain. He didn’t second guess it, or at least not consciously.

Maybe he found himself glancing down at the band on his ring finger every so often. Sometimes he might’ve found himself taking it off, holding it carefully between his fingers as he absently read the inscription written on the inside. He told himself he didn’t  _ think _ about it though, because there was nothing to think about.

He wasn’t married, and the ring was just a ring. He couldn’t remember where he’d gotten it, but if it was important he would know about it, right?

If it wasn’t important he could have gotten rid of it by now, pawned it or something. At the very least, he probably shouldn’t be  _ wearing _ a wedding band if he wasn’t married, and this was definitely a wedding ring. A simple gold band with a flat, bright red gem in the center. On the inside was an inscription, and even though he told himself he didn’t read it often he had it memorized. It wasn’t a long inscription though, so it wasn’t like it was hard.

_ I won’t let go ~L _

When he first started thinking about the ring, he considered the idea that it might have belonged to one of his parents. He figured he would have remembered receiving something like that, but he didn’t have the best memory. He did know that neither of his parents had names that began with L though, and none of his grandparents did either. So he was pretty sure it wasn’t that, even if it would have been the easiest solution.

There were other explanations. Maybe he got it at a thrift store or something, some secondhand shop. That would explain the inscription that meant nothing to him. Of course, he had no idea  _ why  _ he would buy something like that, or why he would wear it all the time.

Mostly, he just tried not to think about the ring. It didn’t make sense, and the best he could do was pretend it wasn’t there.

He couldn’t bring himself to actually take it off, and he tried to ignore that even more.

Barry didn’t spend a lot of time in the department lounge at his campus. Whenever he was in there the other professors would try and strike up some casual conversation with him, and while he tried not to just blow them off he wasn’t exactly good at it.

It was the end of the term though, and the end of the term meant free food in the department lounge for the professors. Sure, that also meant even more people would be around than normal, but Barry told himself he could handle some awkward conversations about grading finals and upcoming break plans (or lack thereof) in order to get some mini quiches and meatballs. He’d worked here for enough years now that for the most part he could usually get through these things with minimal issues at this point.

He was in line for the quiches and the cheese and meet platters, a group of other professors he’d had to work with off and on for the past six years in front of him. They were as close as he got to friends, which meant he knew most of their names and they were generally friendly to him. That meant they were also the most likely to talk to him so he wasn’t too surprised when one of them turned back to address him.

“What about you Bluejeans? You got any plans for the break?” the professor Barry was pretty sure specialized in the history of magic in Faerun asked. It was definitely something with history at least. He was more certain about his name, Hillford. Barry shrugged, grabbing some tiny pepperonis and crackers and throwing them onto his plate.

“Not really, mostly gonna relax. Might get some work done around the apartment,” he said, which was the stock answer he came up with beforehand for this question. He wasn’t really planning on fixing up anything at his house, but it made it sound less like he stayed in his house doing fuck all every day.

“Us and a couple of the other teachers were planning on meeting up for drinks tonight, cheer off another year. You should come too,” another professor, Barry was pretty sure she taught illusions, offered. Even though he expected them to try to talk to him during this, he wasn’t expecting an invitation out anywhere. Before he could actually formulate a response the history professor jumped back in.

“Partners are welcomed too so no worries about that,” he said with a wink, and Barry paused some at that.

“Oh?” he asked, because he was still trying to figure out a way to politely turn this down when he just said he wasn’t doing shit, and he genuinely had no idea what that would have to do with him. Hillford nodded, a grin on his face.

“Yeah, you’re so quiet about your private life, and that’s fine! But we’re all dying to know who managed to tie you down,” he said, a joking tone to his voice. It didn’t make any sense, because most of the time Barry was not thinking about the ring on his finger.

When he did remember it now though, he nearly dropped his small plate of food.

_ “Oh,” _ he choked out, almost going to hide the ring before he realized what a weird move that would be. He had no idea what expression he was making now, but it certainly wasn’t a normal one from the looks the other professors were giving him. “That’s not-” he started, stopping himself. What the fuck was he supposed to say? That’s not a real wedding ring? Cool cool, way to look fucking psychopathic by wearing one all the time.

He felt his shoulders slump, and it was easy to turn so that he wasn’t meeting anyone’s eyes. When he spoke the words came without him thinking about them or second guessing himself, his tone a bit more hurt than he intended.

“That’s not… really possible. We lost her a few years ago,” he said, and for once the immediate awkwardness of someone thoroughly fucking up a social interaction wasn’t on him for once. Hillford looked pretty mortified, the man winching and coughing awkwardly before managing to speak again.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I had no idea,” he apologized. Barry shrugged, quickly piling the rest of his plate up with food.

“That’s fine. Like you said, I like to keep things  _ private,” _ he said, private spoken with maybe a bit more bite than necessary. He didn’t wait for anyone to respond, turning and leaving with his plate without another word. Maybe it was rude, but Barry wasn’t good with people and right now he wanted to get out of there immediately.

Heading outside, the University of Neverwinter was pretty empty, being the last day of classes and all. The only students who were on campus were the ones still taking finals or finishing moving out of their dorms. So it wasn’t hard to find an empty bench to sit down and eat the rest of his food. When he finished eating there was no reason for him not to get up and head home, he already had all the papers he needed to grade still in his bag. He should just keep going on about his day.

Instead though he found himself staring down at the ring again. Slowly he pulled it off his finger, rereading the inscription on the inside for what felt like a countless amount of times.

Four words and a single letter. It shouldn’t bother him so much. There was nothing tying him to this inscription, nothing to make him believe it was addressed to him, because he was Barry Bluejeans. He wasn’t married, he wasn’t in love and he wasn’t the kind of person someone would bind themselves to with so much simple devotion.

Huffing in frustration, he reeled his fist back with the ring inside of it, going through the motions of throwing it away.

He couldn’t bring himself to follow through, his arm faltering and falling before he could manage it. Pulling it back, he found himself holding the ring to his chest as he let out a shaky breath, almost having to blink back tears and he didn’t know  _ why. _

He didn’t know why it hurt so damn much when he looked at this ring, why he couldn’t bring himself to ever get rid of it.

He didn’t know why those words he’d spoken to his coworkers felt like the first solid, true thing he’d said in the past six years.

“Who  _ are _ you?” he asked quietly. Opening his fist to look down at the ring again, he gently rubbed his finger over the inscription on the inside before slipping it back on.

Barry wasn’t sure how long he spent sitting there, but by the time he got up and started heading back to his apartment the sun was already setting. It wasn’t a far walk to his place, but the street lanterns had started to be lit by the time he went inside. He didn’t bother making dinner, part of the reason he’d decided to raid the office party. If he got hungry later he would just make himself a snack.

Instead he headed over to his shitty old couch, collapsing down onto it in a heap.

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t bored. He guessed he would describe his life as pretty content, and it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to monotonous. He wasn’t outgoing, he didn’t try new things, he was comfortable.

And for six years that was fine. Or if it wasn’t fine, it wasn’t like he could see himself doing much better. He had a good job, a decent apartment, and a library he could chill out in whenever he wanted. Barry told himself that he didn’t need anything else.

But if that was true he wouldn’t feel this gaping hole in his chest where his heart aught to be. He would have been able to get rid of the ring by now.

They were on break now, and even he could admit that was always the hardest part. He didn’t have friends, and as much as he loved reading, hiding away from the world to study whatever topic happened to catch his interest this time, even he ran out of steam eventually. Without classes and homework and grades to keep him busy he went stir crazy. Usually that didn’t happen until about a month, month and a half into the three month break, but it seemed like this time he was lucky enough to have it start right off the bat.

It was because of that comment. It was because no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about the ring anymore.

Barry Bluejeans wasn’t a lot of things, but he was incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be. He’d been stubbornly trying to ignore this ring for the better part of half a decade at this point, and so far it hadn’t solved anything. Hadn’t eventually faded into the background of his life like he’d hoped.

So now, he was prepared to be stubborn in the opposite direction.

Pushing himself up off the couch, he grabbed a notebook and started to write up as much of what he could remember about what was going on in his life when he first noticed the ring. Where he’d been, who he knew, any little detail that came to mind that might have been useful. He also started writing up everything he could remember from right  _ before _ he noticed the ring, or at least the approximate time before he noticed the ring. For some reason there wasn’t a clear line of when one time stopped and another began. He knew it felt like it had just appeared one day, but he couldn’t strictly say what day that had been.

As much as he wanted to just keep ignoring this, he couldn’t anymore. He needed to figure out what it meant, and why it stuck with him so much.

And well, it wasn’t like he had anything better to do right now.

—

Lup was a lot of things.

She was usually pretty busy, for one thing. Running a traveling cooking show took a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and whatever else you could think to throw into the mix. Even though she and her brother both shared their half of the load, it seemed like the work never ended. Sure, they would take days off when they could afford it, but they were still always moving around, always bouncing ideas off of each other, trying to think of ways to make the show bigger, better, more engaging.

She was a damn excellent cook too, while on that topic. Taako was better when it came to baking and some of the more fine tuned aspects of it, but no one could sear up a steak like her. Their skills complimented each other perfectly in the show though, making the whole Sizzle It Up With Taako and Lup a sight to behold as they moved around each other effortlessly in the kitchen.

Lup was a twin. One half of a single whole, and at the end of the day all she needed was her brother. As long as she had him she knew they would be able to get through anything together, and she was happy with that. She didn’t need anything more than this, a life on the road doing what she loved with her brother.

With all that, Lup was also very much single.

It was hard to build up any sort of lasting relationships when you were on the road for the majority of the year. She wasn’t particularly looking for one either, they both knew how easy it was for people to burn you with that sort of thing. She certainly didn’t  _ need _ one. She already had everything she needed, her life was  _ great. _

The ring she kept on a chain around her neck, tucked neatly out of sight under her shirt didn’t negate any of that.

She didn’t know where she’d gotten it from, but she knew she used to wear it on her ring finger. At one point there was a visible tan line when she took it off, but she’d had it on the necklace for so long now that it finally vanished. She figured that was a good thing, and wasn’t sure what had possessed her to wear the ring so long that she’d gotten the tan in the first place.

Sure, it certainly looked like an expensive ring. Other than what they needed to run their show, it was definitely the most expensive thing Lup owned. A simple gold band with a deep red stone and a small engraving on the inside. She didn’t need to look at the ring to know what it said.

_ I won’t let go ~B _

She supposed it was cute, even if she had no idea who wrote the message or who it was for. She only kept the item because it was so expensive, but she wasn’t going to wear it, not as a wedding ring. After all, as previously established, Lup was single.

Which was why she had settled on wearing it on a necklace. No one could see it under her clothes, and she could forget about it most of the time. Taako couldn’t ask her about why she insisted on continuing to wear it and if there was ‘maybe something or someone she wasn’t telling him about wink wink.’

It didn’t mean anything, and the only reason she insisted on keeping it was because if they were ever in a pinch she could probably sell it for some extra cash.

So there really wasn’t any reason for her to be panicking quite so much as she absolutely tore apart her room in the living carriage looking for it.

“Holy shit,” Taako said, and Lup hadn’t heard him come in. She had crawled halfway under her cot, pushing old piles of clothes out of the way and waving around a spatula she’d cast light on in order to see around better. “What the fuck happened in here?” he asked. Lup huffed, crawling back out from under the bed. She didn’t bother to actually look at her brother as she answered, instead shaking out her sheets again in some desperate hope that she’d somehow missed it the last three times.

“I can’t find my necklace,” she said simply, her voice even like she wasn’t panicking. “I took it off to take a shower and I don’t know where it went,” she added. Taako didn’t say anything for a moment, and Lup kept on looking, pretending that she couldn’t feel him staring at her.

“Well, you’re gonna need another fucking shower as soon as you find the thing from the looks of it,” he said, and Lup groaned at that. He wasn’t wrong. From crawling all around her room she felt like she’d managed to coat himself in an all new layer of dust.

“I know okay, maybe help me find the damn thing so that I can do that before the show,” she snapped, and it wasn’t like the room was very big. This was just a caravan they had attached to the back of the main sizzle it up one, to sleep and keep all their personal junk. They had it split in two so that they no longer had to share a room like when they were kids, but that didn’t amount to a lot of free space. She didn’t know where the damn thing could have gone that she hadn’t already looked.

“What necklace we talking about again?” Taako asked, in a deliberately innocent tone that Lup knew wasn’t real in the slightest.

“You  _ know _ what necklace!” she huffed, trying to look back behind her small dresser. She wasn’t even sure how it would have gotten there, but she couldn’t think of many other places to look.

“The blue one?” he asked, and this time Lup actually shot a glare his way, and sure she could understand why he wasn’t taking this seriously. It  _ wasn’t _ serious. She didn’t even know why she had the damn ring or why she hadn’t just hocked it already.

She didn’t know why she felt like she was going to go insane if she didn’t fucking  _ find it. _

“No, not the blue one!” she snapped, haphazardly pushing the dresser back into place when it wasn’t behind it. Lup knew that she didn’t need to actually spell it out for Taako, but she also knew that he wouldn’t be useful until she did. “The one with the- you know, the ring,” she said, and Taako’s face lit up like she had revealed some secret of the multiverse to him.

“Oh!  _ That _ necklace!” he said, and Lup rolled her eyes at his exaggeration. Her dismissiveness stopped in its tracks when he pulled a hand out of his pockets, holding his fist out before letting the silver chain and ring dangle from it.

“Where did you find it?!” she asked, immediately rushing over and snatching it from him. It had barely been gone for an hour, she didn’t know why she was immediately looking it over to make sure it was as she remembered it. Everything was still there, the stone, the engraving, and she found herself letting out a deep sigh of relief when she fastened it back around her neck. 

“You left it on the counter in the bathroom,” Taako said bluntly. Lup froze, her hand still clutching the ring as she slowly started to look around the absolutely disaster area of her room.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Taako said, and Lup couldn’t blame him for the look he was giving her now. There wasn’t much she could say to justify this one.

“Well, thanks for finding the damn thing,” she muttered, slipping it back under her shirt before turning and starting to clean up the mess of her room. She was hoping that if she tried to move past it maybe her brother would grant her mercy and not press it either. She couldn’t say she was that surprised when he gave an exacerbated sigh instead though.

“Lulu, you were freaking out like you lost your actual goddamn wedding ring,” he said, and it was frustrating that she couldn’t even say he was wrong, not really. Even still, she rolled her eyes as she shoved some of the clothes on the floor into her hamper and whatever couldn’t fit right back under the bed.

“Well you know that’s not true,” she said. When she turned back towards Taako she hated the look he was giving her, turning back away to make her bed again instead.

“I mean, I would like to think I would know if my only family and dear sister had ever been married, yes,” he said, and Lup was frowning now. As much as she was not happy to be having this conversation, she was better at facing her problems head on than Taako was. 

“Okay, why did you say it like that?” she asked. Taako was pretty damn good at keeping how he was feeling hidden from most people, but not from her. She could tell that he was getting annoyed, and more than that, she could tell that he was getting worried.

“Because you’re being weird, okay? I mean, you’re always weird when it comes to that ring, but this one takes the fucking cake,” he said, and even though Lup knew she couldn’t really argue with that she was going to anyway. It was a lot easier than thinking he might actually have a point.

“It’s an expensive ring, alright? I’m just not thrilled at the thought of losing a part of our safety net for if things go bad,” she insisted. She could tell from the look on Taako’s face that he wasn’t quite buying it, which she couldn't blame him for. Even as she said it she could tell that it didn't feel quite like the truth.

“Okay, but we’ve been doing fine. More than fine! I know how you act when you’re freaked out about money and that ain’t it,” he said.

“I don’t know why you’re so hung up on this,” she said, crossing her arms defiantly. It wasn’t like this was the first time they had this kind of conversation. It seemed like it was only getting worse though, happening more often, and Lup wasn’t sure if she was the one aggravating it or if Taako was.

“Because it’s obviously way more important to you than you’re letting on,” Taako huffed, and the annoying thing was that he was right. Lup being able to read her brother better than anyone else could was a two way street, which meant any attempts at keeping a secret from him was pretty useless in the long run. Normally she didn’t mind that, but right now she didn’t even want to think about this on her own.

When she didn’t say anything for a long moment Taako sighed, and this one wasn’t in annoyance. Instead he looked and sounded concerned as he continued.

“You know you don’t gotta keep anything from me, right Lup?” he asked, and she nodded quickly.

“Of course, I swear it’s not like that Ko,” she said, because it really wasn’t. She reached a hand up, absently tracing the shape of the ring under her shirt. “I just… I don’t know what to think about it, okay? I just know I got it right around when we started Sizzle It Up and it feels like… like a good luck charm. So I like to keep it close,” she said. Slowly Taako’s posture seemed to relax some, and after a moment he actually started to smirk.

“Yeah alright, didn’t realize you were the superstitious type Lulu,” he said dismissively, causing Lup to immediately huff in indignation.

“Luck is a real thing that can be given to you by the gods Taako! It’s not superstitious if it’s real. I can’t walk ten feet into a graveyard without some ghost popping out at me or a skeleton crawling out of its grave to moan curses!” she said. Taako rolled his eyes at that, deliberately being obtuse now.

“Skeletons can’t talk Lup, they’re just bones,” he said.

“Skeletons can talk and sometimes they come to life and you have to fight them!” she snapped.

“Yeah alright well maybe you can get a skeleton to fill in for you at our next show then,” he said, and Lup threw a shirt at his face at that.

“Maybe I will,” she said, pleased when he wasn’t quite able to duck in time.

The conversation ended up spiraling with that, and soon enough Lup actually did go duck back into the shower before going out for their show that night. This time, she didn’t forget to put the necklace back on, taking a moment when alone in the tiny bathroom they had to inspect the ring once again.

It was just a ring. Lup had managed to acquire and hock all kinds of precious jewelry in her life, and she never felt any sort of attachment to it. Sure, she liked to imagine a day where she could wear things that fancy and expensive, but that was different. None of that drew her towards keeping one item in particular, not like she was with this ring.

Slipping the ring back under her shirt, Lup used a cantrip to dry her hair before going out to help set up the ingredients for tonight. She tried to put the ring out of her mind, and even though she couldn’t completely she told herself that was fine. She knew who she was.

She was Lup, a wizard and a chef and a twin.

She didn’t need to know any more than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so new fic! a lot of my older fics are ending which means I've been getting to start a bunch of new fics! I'm pretty excited for this one, which is was created by me combining two separate blupjeans fic ideas into one _big_ bluejeans fic idea. I don't quite have a schedule for this one worked out yet, and with the school year starting i might need to rework some of my schedule anyway. I'll let y'all know as soon as I have an idea of when new chapters'll be posted, but for now look out for just about every 1 to 2 weeks. 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and i hope you enjoyed!


	2. Unusual Encounters

Lup was exhausted by the time they finished with the show. It was the good kind of exhausted though, where she could collapse down on the tiny fainting couch they had found at a thrift store and sigh contently. It was in what counted as Taako’s room, so he went and flopped down on his cot, having already pulled his hair out of its bun.

“Next time we do bread bowls we  _ gotta _ make the bread beforehand. I’m not doing that again,” Taako said, and Lup nodded in agreement.

“Yeah alright, I’m not arguing with you there,” she said, rolling onto her side so that she could see her brother clearer as they spoke. “Hey, maybe we should write another cookbook,” she said. Taako lifted his head up slightly, not actually bothering to sit up all the way and instead raising an eyebrow.

“You think so?” he asked, and Lup nodded.

“We’ve been getting some pretty big crowds heading back to a couple of regulars, ya know? Sales aren’t as good though, because they’ve already  _ got _ the one book we’re pushing,” she said, and Taako seemed to think that over for a moment before nodding, letting his head flop back down onto the bed.

“Fair point, fair point,” he said, stretching out some before continuing. “Yeah alright, sounds good to me.” It was about the reaction she expected, but for some reason Lup was still a little surprised.

“Really?” she asked, and he nodded like it was no big deal.

“Yeah, I mean why wouldn’t we? It’s not like we don’t have enough recipes to make another,” he said, which was true. 

“Cool, I’ll get started on working out some of the details tomorrow then,” she said, rolling over onto her back and having to shift around so that one hand was resting on her chest. She tried to pretend that she was absently tracing the outline of the ring under her clothes, but she couldn’t be more aware of her actions if she tried.

She just needed something to distract her. Which was part of why she had suggested writing another cookbook. They had written their first one about a year and a half after they first started Sizzle It Up, once things were stable enough that selling some merch was the logical next step. Actually writing the thing had been a whirlwind, harder than either of then had expected but incredibly satisfying once it was completed.

She needed something else like that again right now. As busy as Sizzle It Up kept them both, it had started to become routine after the past six years. She had too much time for her mind to wander, too much time alone in her tiny room at night, reading over the inscription on the inside of the ring when she was pretending to sleep.

Lup ended up spending about another hour in Taako’s room, laying on the couch as they threw out some ideas for the new cookbook. Eventually her brother declared that he was too tired to think about cooking anymore and that he was going to pass out. Lup was about at the same place, so she slowly forced herself to stand and walk the small distance to her room. She winched when she saw the mess it was still in, immediately deciding she could clean up the rest of it later and going changing out of her work clothes into her pajamas.

Closing her eyes, there was a few short moments where she almost was able to convince herself that she was going to go to sleep without any sort of issues tonight.

It didn’t last long, letting out a soft sigh as she opened her eyes again. Fishing the chain out from under her shirt, she started looking over the ring again, even going so far as to slip it onto her finger. It fit perfectly, the only imperfection being the silver chain it was still hanging from digging into her skin.

Somehow though Lup found herself falling asleep a bit easier with it on her finger, clutching her hand up close to her heart.

When she woke up the next morning she took the ring off, getting dressed and quickly shoving it back under her clothes to forget about it again.

Taako wasn’t awake when she went over to the main part of the caravan, which wasn’t too surprising. She figured she’d let him sleep for now, instead gathering up some supplies to make them a quick breakfast. As she cooked up some omelets Lup started going over the plans for the day.

Yesterday was their last planned showing in this town, and they were starting to get a little low on supplies. So their best bet would be to hit up one of the bigger cities. She was pretty sure Neverwinter was the closest, but neither of them had ever been that good with directions, so they would have to check the maps again before actually heading out. Then they would need to start planning out their next route.

If they were gonna do another cookbook maybe they should hit a couple of their more frequented towns, or the ones they’d done real good in, to promote it. She was kind of excited at the idea of making another run down to the Underdark if they could swing it.

Two plates of eggs and hashbrowns in her hands, Lup climbed down from their main cart to head back to the one that contained their bedrooms.

She didn’t get very far before she was stopped in her tracks, a tall man in a dark black suit stepping out in front of her from between the carts. She nearly dropped the plates as she startled back, just barely managing to fight down the instinct to grab her wand.

“Oh good, you’re still here. And for a moment I was afraid I missed you,” the man said, and Lup couldn’t help being surprised by his voice. It wasn’t what she would have expected, a not quite authentic sounding accent there. Compared to the rest of him it was almost silly, but Lup would give him credit where credit was due. He was damn gorgeous, with a charming smile and clothes so impeccably tailored Lup wanted to personally meet his dry cleaner.

None of that made her any less suspicion and on edge. Some of it even made her more so, but she tried to hide that as she gave her best customer service smile.

“Sorry to disappoint, but last night was our last show. We were just about to head out. Better luck next time we’re in town babe,” she said, really not liking the smile that started to stretch over this guy’s face as he shook his head.

“Oh no, you misunderstand. I’m not here for the show,” he said, and when he held his hand out to the side Lup could see him start to conjure something. She didn’t wait to act, as soon as she saw the long staff starting to form she threw both plates of food directly at his face.

_ “Taako!” _ she shouted at the top of her lungs, already sprinting back towards the main cart to get the horse hooked up. She could hear the guy sputtering behind her, at least thrown a little bit by the sudden hot eggs to his face.

“What’s going- whoa!” she heard Taako, and when she glanced back she could see what the man she’d been talking to was trying to conjure. A huge, black scythe in one hand, and in his other, a simple piece of paper.

“Keep him busy!” she shouted, and Taako nodded. He clearly had even less of an idea about what was going on than she did, but he didn’t seem to question her. She could see him pull out a wand, running out to get between their attacker and where she was setting up the cart. If they could just get going they should be able to outrun this fool.

“Sizzle it up with Taako and Lup. I will say in all my time I’ve never had a bounty brazen enough to hand out fliers with their  _ names _ right front and center,” he said, and Lup tried to keep an eye on the two as she finished hooking the horse up.

“What bounty you talking about handsome? Didn’t think they sent contract killers out against petty theft and hustling fools at pool,” Taako said, shooting several firebolts at the asshole. He dodged them effortlessly, and Lup didn’t like the way he was moving. Like this wasn’t even interesting enough to be a game for him.

“Please, we all know you two have done so much worse than that,” he said, rushing towards Taako now. Lup had the caravan set up though, and hopping into the front she drove the horse as fast as she could, turning it towards her brother. Taako seemed to get the picture, running away from the dude and towards her.

“Let’s go!” she shouted, holding out her hand. Taako grabbed on as she sped by, and she didn’t stop the cart as she helped pull him up onto the seat. He climbed up quickly, barely getting situated next to her before turning around and lobbing a couple of spells at the asshole left in the dust behind them.

Usually in this kind of situation Taako would be the one leading the charge on the retreat, and she would be offering the cover fire. This dick caught them off guard though, but they could improvise when they had to.

“Who the fuck was that asshole?” Taako said, sitting forward and slumping in his seat, wand still clutched tight in his hand.

“No clue, but he wasn’t looking to buy a cookbook,” she said, looking over her shoulder to try to see if she could catch sight of him still trying to chase them. When she couldn’t she let out a small sigh of relief, turning back towards the front.

Only to see what looked like a  _ rip _ in space maybe thirty or forty feet in front of them and rapidly approaching.

“Shit!” she yelped, trying to steer the horse out of the path and only serving to drive them right off the road.

“Oh fuuuuck, Lup!” Taako shouted, the pitch of his voice rising and falling as he rapidly threw magic missiles in the direction of that weird portal that had opened. She couldn’t look at what was approaching though, clinging to the reigns and struggling to keep the whole damn caravan from toppling over. It wasn’t made to go this fast, and it definitely wasn’t supposed to go this fast off road.

She saw what Taako was shouting about too late, a black robed specter flying up the side of the cart, a swirl of black feathers trailing behind it and that same large scythe held aloft in his hands. Hands that were now skeletal, and when Lup saw inside of his hood she could see a bright white skull staring back at her.

She tried to pull the horse to the side, to get away from this fucking  _ thing, _ whatever it was. It couldn’t be a person. The horse wasn’t fast enough though, and when the figure brought the scythe down it cleanly cut the reigns connecting the caravan to the horse. She could see the scared thing continue running for just a moment before the carts started to tip.

“Watch out!” she heard Taako shout, saw him cast another spell right past her. Before she could react she felt the cart jerk violently below them, and she didn’t know what they hit but she didn’t have time to grab onto her brother before they were both tossed from the cart. She felt herself slam into something, only realizing it was a tree after she hit the ground.

And she could hear the horrible crashing sound as the caravan toppled over itself, spilling along the ground before slamming a wrecked heap of wood and canvas into a few more nearby trees.

“S-shit,” she grunted, slowly pushing herself up. “Taako?” she called, and her head was ringing, her side hurt like hell and she could only pray that she’d only bruised her ribs and not outright broken anything.

Instead of her brother, she saw that grim figure of death approaching her slowly. Floating over the shattered remains of their livelihood like it was fucking  _ nothing. _

“I’ll say, this was so much easier than I expected. I’m almost disappointed, but I suppose you can’t fault a job well done,” this dickbag of bones said. Lup glared up at him, and she could feel the relief run through her when she suddenly heard Taako groaning from somewhere behind her. She couldn’t look to see how he was though, she wasn’t going to take her eyes off this fucker for a second.

“What are you talking about? What  _ job?”  _ she hissed, moving to raise her wand up at this thing. Any amount of intimidation she could have hoped for was dashed when she saw that half of her wand was snapped clean off, and she felt her heart fall into her chest.

“Fuck, Lup!” Taako shouted from behind her, and she could hear him hissing in pain as he tried to move.

“You know, playing dumb isn’t going to lower your sentence any,” the figure said, standing right in front of her now. Lup scoffed, trying not to show how fucking terrified she was.

“We’re not  _ playing,”  _ she growled, and her brain was screaming at her to run. To get away from this thing before it killed her. She was frozen though, her legs like jello below her. The only thing she could think that was as long as it was focused on her it wasn’t paying attention to Taako. If she just kept it on her, maybe he could get away.

“Well, that’ll be for the Raven Queen to decide, now won’t it?” he said, raising his scythe up high above him.

“No! Stay the fuck away from her! Lup!” Taako was shouting, and Lup had never heard him sound so terrified before. She wasn’t sure if it was fear or stubbornness at this point that kept her locked where she was, staring this monster down as he brought the scythe in a swinging arch at her.

And then she felt something warm on her chest.

She expected it to be the blade stabbed neatly into her heart, but there wasn’t any pain. She could still see the scythe, stopped a few inches from her as this specter froze. He didn’t have a face, just an impartial skull, but he still somehow managed to look both surprised and panicked as shocks of red light started crackling around Lup.

“Well.  _ Shit, _ ” he said.

The arcane blast that shot him back was near deafening, leaving Lup’s ears ringing as he crashed into the remains of their food truck. It was enough to get her brain working again, and as she forced herself to her feet she looked down to see what the  _ fuck _ had caused that.

When she pulled the ring out from the inside of her shirt it was still warm to the touch.

“Damn,” she whispered, and when she looked back over at the asshole he was still lying in the ruins of their cart.

Then she heard Taako groaning behind her again, and she jolted. “Taako!” she shouted, running back over to him. She could see what the problem was now, his leg bent at an angle it definitely wasn’t supposed to go. Crouching down, she slung his arm over her shoulders to help him up.

“What the fuck  _ was _ that?” he asked, wincing every time he moved.

“Told ya it was a good luck charm,” she said, watching as Taako’s eyes flicked down at the ring, now visible over the clothes. She couldn’t blame him for the shocked disbelief on his face, because she was having a hard time believing it herself. They didn’t have time to talk about that now though, starting to run off as fast as they could while Taako only had one leg.

“Oh no you don’t!” Skeleton Fucker shouted, picking himself back up out of the rubble and flying towards them again.

This time when Lup spun around to face him she was expecting the crackling arcane blast, could see it emanate from the ring clearly now. Their attacker was pushed back again, this time crashing into a tree hard enough that they could hear it crack before slowly starting to fall.

“Go go go  _ go go!” _ Taako shouted, and Lup followed suit, half carrying half dragging her brother along with her. Their skeletal pursuer didn’t seem to give chase this time, but they still didn’t stop. They just needed to get out of here.

They could figure out the rest later.

——

Barry woke up, sitting at his kitchen table with a notebook still open in front of him. Or well, more accurately below him, having apparently started to use it as a pillow at some point. Picking his head up, he was glad he didn’t typically drool in his sleep, blinking heavily as he tried to press down some of the pages that had gotten wrinkled.

He was pretty sure he didn’t end up actually fixing much, but he was a bit too tired to care. Standing up, he groaned as his back violently protested at the fact that he’d slept at the kitchen table all night.

Already in the kitchen, he headed over and yawned as he made himself a cup of coffee. For a moment as he went through the motions of getting ready for the day everything was normal. It was just a regular day, in a string of regular days in his regular life, a life he hadn’t had any major changes in for a little over six years now. That he could easily see not changing at all for another six.

Then his coffee finished, and as he headed over to sit on the couch he grabbed the notebook from last night off the table. As he sat down the motions were all the same as they would be any other day. He might as well have been sitting down to read the newspaper or the latest book he’d grabbed from the campus library. Cleaning his glasses, he squinted sleepily as he looked over the paper in front of him.

The normalcy of it all was shattered as he actually read what he had wrote down the night before. It had been more exhausting than he expected, trying to pull up every detail he could from that time of his life, and had left him with a killer headache. It didn’t feel like he had too much to show for it either.

_ Moved to Neverwinter 5 years ago (from ???) started teaching at Neverwinter at the same time. _

_ People known in Neverwinter _

_ - _

_ - _

_ \- Headmaster Alton (hired by him? Presumably? No memories of applying for position) _

_ People known in hometown _

_ \- Mother (Marlena, died 5 years ago? Longer?  _ _ Died from natural causes? flu? fall? _ _ Uncertain cause of death) _

_ \- Father (Gregor, died 38 years ago from heart attack) _

_ \- Josh (lived next door growing up. Kind of a dick?) _

_ \- Keena (went to school with? Less of a dick) _

_ Possible owners of ring: _

_ Mother: unlikely, wedding ring was silver with a white diamond. _

_ Father: unlikely, had matching ring to mom’s _

_ Grandparents: No one had names beginning with L _

_ six years ago I decided to move to neverwinter because… _

_ I applied to work at the university due to… _

_ I grew up in the town of… _

_ six years ago I married L… _

Looking at the notes now, they seemed like utter nonsense. To most people they probably would be, but Barry told himself they weren’t useless. He could still draw some conclusions from them. Some pretty damn important conclusions.

First of all, and probably the most jarring thing to have realized, he could not remember the name of the town he grew up in. He tried to dismiss that at first, lots of people forgot things from their childhood, but this was more than that. As far as he could recall, he had lived in that town for his whole life up until six years ago. six years was not a long time. He was probably still getting mail sent to his old address! He should remember the name of the only other place he had ever lived.

But he didn’t.

He also didn’t remember when his mother had died. He assumed she must have. He had not thought to contact her in all this time, and she was getting older. He didn’t think he would have moved away if she hadn’t passed, not permanently like this.

But he couldn’t remember a funeral, or a cause of death. He wasn’t even sure where she was buried, and he had been close to his mother growing up. In six years, why had he never thought to visit her grave?

He didn’t know anyone when he decided to move to Neverwinter. He couldn’t even remember deciding to move to Neverwinter, or any of the moving process. It was like he had just appeared here one day with everything already in place for him to have a comfortable life.

Why had he never  _ questioned _ that before now?

He still had no idea who L on the inscription might be, but he had pretty thoroughly crossed out any idea that it had been some family heirloom. It didn’t feel like one anyway.

When he looked at the ring, when he talked about his wife being  _ gone, _ he could feel a deep ache in his chest. He couldn’t explain it, because any all accounts it shouldn’t be there. He couldn’t remember anyone to mourn, so there was no reason for him to be sad.

But as he sat here now, staring at nothing more than half a sheet of paper with half remembered nonsense and a single ring he couldn’t remember the origins of and couldn’t bear to get rid of, mourning was the only word that felt  _ right. _

He had lost someone, that he was sure of now. He didn’t know who they were, and he didn’t know why he couldn’t remember them or so many key things about his past before one blurry day six years ago.

Like hell was he not going to do everything in his power to find out though.

It took a few days for him to actually figure out some sort of plan on how to move forward though. It wasn’t like he could go back to his hometown to look for clues, since he didn’t know where it was. He couldn’t file a missing persons report for someone without a name or description.

Whatever was going on here, he just wasn’t smart enough to figure it out on his own. He wasn’t even sure if anyone who was smart enough would believe him long enough to listen.

Still, there had to be a way he could work it. Some way to explain it to another person that wouldn’t leave them thinking he was just completely out of his mind. He knew he wasn’t, for the first time in what felt like a real fucking long time his mind actually felt the slightest bit clearer.

Eventually he decided ‘I lost my memories’ sounded a lot more plausible than ‘I’m sure I was married but I can’t remember to who.’

With how he was going to tackle this out of the way, he started looking for someone who could actually help him. He didn’t exactly know a lot of people, he kept to himself at the college and even more so outside of it. Still, it was a good job and he wasn’t exactly an extravagant spender, which meant he had a lot saved up over the last few years. He’d been considering moving into a bigger apartment at one point, but decided there wasn’t much of a point to it when it was just him.

This seemed like something worth spending his money on now. So he started looking around for someone smarter than himself to put all these pieces together. Someone who might believe him and maybe had experience working with memory issues.

He heard about the detective from the militia, which seemed like a pretty good sign to start off with. Meant he had worked with them before, so he was at least somewhat professional, even if they claimed that he was very much  _ not _ on their books. Apparently he was skilled though, and known for taking on cases no one else would. Their only warning was that he was a little young, and that tended to throw some people off.

Barry had shrugged it off and got the guy’s address, writing him a letter asking for a meeting on a job that day. Sure, it would probably be a little weird hiring a guy who was most likely the same age as some of his students, but Barry was willing to admit that some of his students were also better fucking wizards than he was. If it meant figuring this out he didn’t give a shit how young this Angus McDonald fellow was.

Or well, that was what he thought.

The detective had wrote back surprisingly quickly, setting up a time and place for them to meet later that week. Barry tried to go about his life as normal up until the appointment, but it was hard to focus on anything else. His attention would always end up falling back on the ring on his finger, and his mind would start to wander.

He didn’t know what, if anything, he would be able to find in the end. Six years and everything set up so perfectly like whoever it was had never existed, it was entirely possible that they weren’t even alive anymore.

Still, he told himself he would be happy with some closure, if nothing else.

The day he went to see the detective he felt a strong mixture of terror and almost giddy excitement. The combination honestly just made him feel like he was going to throw up. Finding the small cafe they had chosen, Barry ordered a coffee and sat down in a corner table, pulling out his notebook to wait.

He didn’t end up waiting long before someone came up to him, although it wasn’t who he was hoping.

“Excuse me, sir?” a kid asked. He looked to be maybe eight at most, and Barry knew he was kind of an asshole at times but he tried not to be to kids.

“Hey uh, sorry bud, I’m waiting for someone important. Why don’t you go ask one of those nice looking ladies over there to uh, I don’t know, buy the chocolates your selling or whatever,” he said, getting an irritated frown from the kid.

“Are you Barry Bluejeans?” he asked, and Barry blinked at that. He was suddenly trying to remember if he knew anyone with a kid. He really should try to pay more attention to his coworkers when they were talking about their families.

“Sure am, what can I do for you?” he asked, figuring it wasn’t worth it to lie about his identity. To his surprise the kid pulled out the seat across from him, and Barry watched in stunned silence as he actually had to jump up slightly to reach it.

“I’m Angus McDonald, the detective you hired?” he said, and Barry froze at that, really taking in the kid now as he pulled out his own notebook. They said he was young yeah, but he never expected anything like this.

“Oh. Oh  _ no.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're really kicking off now! I'm real excited for some of the places I have planned for this fic to go. Still don't have a set day for updates for this fic yet and I'm not sure if I will. I do have a little bit of a backlog tho so keep on expecting updates every one to two weeks for a while. 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!


	3. So Many Questions

Barry was staring in disbelief at the actual goddamn child sitting in front of him. The child who now had an offended frown on his face at what Barry felt was a very reasonable and subdued reaction given the situation.

“Well that’s a bit rude sir,” the kid said. Barry had to take a moment to breathe, running his hands down his face as he tried to get himself back under control. He wasn’t going to lash out at a kid who had nothing to do with this, even if he was fucking pissed at those dicks down at the militia office having apparently decided to pull a prank on him over this.

He’d actually been excited. He thought he might have actually had a chance to figure out just what it was he was missing.  _ Who _ he was missing.

He should have figured that it wasn’t going to work out like he hoped.

“Look, I’m real sorry kid, but this isn’t what I signed up for,” he said, moving to stand up. The kid, Angus, was faster than he was though, which was pretty unsurprising, and quickly jumped up from his seat and ran in front of him before he could leave.

“I know I’m young sir but I can assure you I am  _ very good _ at my job,” Angus insisted, a more determined expression than Barry expected an eight year old to be capable of. “Also, most people who end up coming to me are usually pretty desperate by this point. So I’m guessing you don’t really have a lot of other options,” he added, a bluntness there that Barry definitely didn’t expect.

After a moment he sat back down, slumping his head into his hands and letting out a laugh that certainly did sound desperate.

“Alright, ya know what? Screw it. I’ve already come this far. It’s not like this situation can get any worse, considering it’s barely anything at all,” he said, downing the rest of his coffee. Angus grinned widely at that, sitting back down at the table across from him. He was missing a tooth and Barry couldn’t help but wonder where the fuck this kid’s parents were.

“Glad to hear it sir. So, you mentioned in your letter that you’re having trouble making sense of a few parts of your past, can you tell me more about that?” Angus asked, and there was something very surreal about this whole situation. Barry wasn’t sure if he should lean into it or not, but at this point it felt like he didn’t have much of a choice.

He sincerely doubted anything was going to come out of this meeting now, but it wasn’t like he was loose anything by treating the kid seriously. Could consider it his good deed for the day, amusing some kid by letting him play detective for a bit. Best case scenario maybe he would be a good soundboard for Barry to work some ideas off of.

“Yeah alright. Uh, the best I have been able to narrow down is that there’s a… it’s like a gap in my memories. I didn’t notice it was there before, but I started looking into some things and as far as I can tell about six years ago everything goes fuzzy, and I’m not even sure for how long,” he explained. Angus nodded, and he’d pulled out his own notebook again now and began to take down some notes.

“Have you talked to a doctor yet about possible memory loss due to any medical conditions?” the kid asked without even looking up from his notebook. It was such a straightforward and practical question coming from a kid who looked like he should be trying to sell him cookies that Barry was left a little speechless.

When he didn’t respond Angus sighed. Setting down his notebook, he looked up at Barry with a somewhat withering expression. Well, there was really no doubt that this kid could at least act a hell of a lot older than he saw.

“The simplest answer is usually the most likely one. So you should probably check in with your doctor before we meet again, just in case,” he said, and Barry nodded at that.

“Right, I’ll uh, be sure to do that,” he said, because what else was he even supposed to do at this point. This whole thing was already so goddamn weird.

“I’m assuming that even if there’s a medical reason though you still want to know what happened in that missing gap, right?” Angus asked, and Barry nodded once again.

“Of course,” he said, and the kid picked up his notebook again to start taking more notes.

“In that case, can you tell me the earliest clear memory you have from six years ago? The last thing you can say definitively happened before everything goes fuzzy,” Angus said. It didn’t take Barry long to come up with an answer, he’d been thinking this over for the past week, trying to get as precise as possible for when all of this really started.

“I was in the apartment I live in now. I had just moved in, most of my stuff was still in boxes, but it wasn’t… it honestly wasn’t a lot of stuff. Most of it seemed newer than it should have been. I don’t remember buying my apartment, or any of the moving. There were a bunch of papers laid out on the kitchen table, the acceptance letter for my job at the university. My schedule, the day I was set to start, a  _ map _ to the university. All lying there and I just… accepted all of it without really thinking about it,” he said, and saying that now sent a chill up his spine. Why hadn’t he  _ questioned _ any of it?

Angus paused slightly, the hand writing notes slowing down as a concerned frown formed on his face. It was still pretty damn difficult to take the kid seriously, but this whole situation was weird enough that Barry was getting there faster than he expected to.

“And what’s the clearest memory you have from  _ before _ that?” he pressed. This question took Barry a bit longer to answer, despite the fact that he’d been wrestling with it for just as long as the previous one.

“I was living with my mother. She was getting on in years, my parents had me later in life and my dad died when I was young, so I was staying with her to help out,” he said, Angus nodding along as he explained. Barry stared into his empty mug of coffee as he tried to pinpoint something specific to cling onto. “I think the- the last conversation I remember having with my mother was her insisting that I, well that I get out more,” he said, laughing a little at that and shaking his head. “I think she blamed herself for me staying in all the time. She wanted to make sure I was still able to go out and ya know, live my dreams or whatever,” he finished with a shrug.

“And you don’t remember anything between those two events?” Angus asked, and Barry shook his head.

“Nothing concrete.”

“Have you talked to your mom since then?”

“No,” Barry answered, and when Angus gave him a questioning look he continued. “I don’t remember where I grew up, I have no idea where my home town is. When I moved into my apartment I had assumed that she was dead, but I have no memory of her dying or a funeral or anything like that,” he explained. Angus had a look of deep concentration on his face for a moment, and it was kind of cute as he chewed on the end of his pen. Barry wouldn’t describe himself as having a soft spot for kids, but he didn’t find them as annoying as most people probably assumed he did.

“Well sir, your situation is definitely one of the stranger ones I’ve heard,” he said, and Barry chuckled at that.

“Thanks kiddo, that’s good to know,” he said, getting another annoyed frown from Angus. Which was probably fair, the kid was definitely trying his best to be taken seriously, but Barry felt like he’d been doing a pretty good job by actually answering all his questions as straight up and honestly as possible.

“So, do you have any sort of clues about what might have happened to you in that missing time?” he asked, and Barry couldn’t help but hesitate some at that question. He told himself it wasn’t like this mattered anyway, because this was just some kid, so he might as well go all in.

“Um, just one,” he said, very carefully pulling off the ring and placing it down on the table for the kid to see. Angus looked very cautious as he picked it up, turning it over in his hands and reading the inscription inside.

“I don’t know where I got it from, I don’t know who wrote that inscription on the inside. I know I didn’t have it before though, and by all accounts I don’t ever remember being married,” he explained. Barry couldn’t help but relax some when Angus handed the ring back to him, immediately slipping it back onto his finger. “I know that when I look at this ring though I can tell that it was something important. That whoever had given it to me was someone important.”

Angus didn’t say anything for a moment, and it was surprisingly hard to tell what the kid was thinking. Barry tried not to visibly jolt when he suddenly snapped his notebook closed with a decisive nod.

“Alright Mr. Barry Bluejeans sir, I think this gives me more than enough to work with for now. I’ll do some diggings and see what I can find. If nothing else, there should be some records of you somewhere, you remember going to school, right? Did you ever have a job before this one?” he asked, and Barry nodded. He’d definitely had the odd job here and there while living with his mom, and he worked at a college now, school was kind of a given.

“In the meantime I still suggest going to a doctor about these memory issues, just to rule out as much as possible for the cause. Oh, and if you could give me the names of your parents that would be very helpful sir,” he said. He was going so fast that Barry was having a hard time not going along with it.

“Yeah, they’re Marlena and Gregor Bluejeans,” he said, watching as Angus took those names down as well. “Wait, kid I never said anything about a follow up,” he jumped in once his brain started working again. Angus sighed, giving him an unimpressed look, and Barry got the feeling he dealt with this kind of stuff a lot.

“You want to figure out this mystery, don’t you sir?” he asked, and a little reluctantly Barry nodded. Angus shoved his notebook into the bag slung over his shoulder, which looked a little too big for him. “Then I suggest letting me do my job. You won’t have to even do anything, I’ll let you know once I find something,” he added. Barry sighed, running a hand down his face and he couldn’t believe he was actually agreeing to this.

“Fine, no skin off my bones I guess,” he said, and after thinking about it a moment he added, “and I’ll head down to the doctors too. Been a while since I had a checkup, I’m overdue anyway.”

“Thank you very much sir,” Angus said, a grin on his face. When he stuck out his hand Barry supposed he could at least do the polite thing and shake it. “I hope to speak to you again very soon.”

“Yeah, right back at ya kiddo,” he said, not surprised at all by the irritated expression from the tiny detective.

“My name is Angus McDonald, sir,” he said bluntly, and it was real hard for Barry not to laugh at that, but he managed it. Angus was a lot more serious and professional than a lot of adults that Barry met, so he could at least treat him with enough respect not to laugh in his face.

“Right, see you around then Angus,” he said, the kid looking satisfied with that.

When Barry headed home he didn’t feel as crushingly disappointed as he expected to. He still didn’t believe that the kid would be able to dig up anything too useful, but he had offered some surprisingly good advice. He made an appointment with his doctor, and wondered where he might try to look to see if there were any public records of himself from before moving to Neverwinter.

It wasn’t much, but it was more than he had before.

It was a start, and maybe he could build onto it.

——

Lup wasn’t sure how long they’d been running for by the time they finally decided it was safe enough to stop, but she felt like all of her muscles were going to scream at her for a week solid. Of course, she didn’t have it as bad as Taako, who immediately hissed and tried to grab at his foot when they stopped.

“How’s it look? Lemme see,” Lup said, slumping down next to him. She grimaced when he slowly rolled his leg out, carefully edging closer to get a better look. It was obvious that he’d just woken up when all this had gone down, because he wasn’t wearing shoes. That was probably a blessing in disguise though, since it meant not having to struggle to take one off over the clearly broken appendage.

“Oh, that shouldn’t bend that way,” she said, trying to keep her voice light. Taako did not give her a very amused look, and she couldn’t blame him for that.

“Yeah no shit,” he said, hissing when he moved it slightly. “Hey can you uh, do me a favor and just get me a buncha mud? Should be able to slap some of that on here and then ya know,” he paused, clapping his hands together before wiggling his fingers, “do my thing, so it can’t move.”

“You got it,” she said, going to cast create water before pausing, remembering her wand left back with the rest of their ruined life, snapped into pieces. Making a split second decision, she poured out the waterskin she had on her waist instead. It didn’t make as much mud as she would have liked, but Taako managed to scrape together enough to thickly coat the worst of the break. Her brother was a fucking beast at transmutation, so he didn’t need a wand to turn the mud into stone.

“Well, that should keep it from getting any  _ worse _ until we find a cleric,” he said, and Lup nodded. It was about as temporary a fix as you could get, but it was something.

“Ugh, what the  _ fuck,” _ Lup whined after a long moment of silence, the reality of the situation slowly sinking in now. Their entire lives were fucking destroyed just like that. Everything they worked for in a crashed heap on the side of the road, and for what reason?

“Who the hell  _ was _ that guy?” Taako asked, echoing her thoughts exactly.

“I have no clue. I thought he wanted to catch the show, but then he started summoning a scythe and going all ghost rider!” she said, slumping back against a tree trunk. They needed to get to a town and a healer as soon as possible for Taako’s foot, but they needed a break more right now. They needed to make sense of all of that before they could move on.

“Okay, you might’ve been right about skeletons coming to life and sometimes you have to fight them,” Taako mumbled after a moment, and it took Lup a second to remember how that was even relevant. When she did though she burst out laughing, it a little hysterical considering everything.

“Surprisingly me being right isn’t the most important thing right now, but I will take this win,” she said, getting a small smile from her brother. It didn’t last long though, and it didn’t take long for Lup to realize why when she saw his eyes trail down. She knew she hadn’t tucked the necklace and ring back under her shirt, and she quickly reached up and grabbed a hold of it.

“Lup, what the  _ fuck _ happened back there? I thought he was going to kill you. He should have killed you!” Taako snapped, and it was fair. By all accounts she should be dead with a fucking scythe in her chest right now and it made no sense at all that she wasn’t.

“I don’t know. The ring just reacted, I swear I didn’t do shit. I felt it get hot and then blast that asshole back, fuck if I know how,” she said, and she expected Taako to try to press her on it more, because that didn’t actually explain anything. So she was a little surprised when he didn’t, nodding after a moment.

“Well, we have no idea if that asshole’s gonna try to come back, so let’s not lose that,” he said. Lup paused, not really sure how to take that reaction.

“Okay, I’m not arguing with you, I’m not taking this thing off at all anymore, fuck that. I’m just- that’s it? You’re cool to accept it, no more questions?” she asked, and Taako scoffed loudly at that.

“Oh I’ve got a fucking boatload of questions! If we ever see that asshole again he better be prepared to answer for that disaster  _ and _ pay for all medical bills and property damages,” he shouted, but the puffed up rage in him didn’t last for long. Almost immediately Taako deflated, slumping back against the tree and wincing as he jostled his leg some. “Just… ya know, too tired to actually give a shit right now,” he muttered.

“Yeah, I feel ya,” Lup said, and it really did feel like all of the energy had been sucked out of her. All she could do was hold onto the ring, which not felt like any normal old piece of jewelry.

“The caravan’s gone,” Taako added, his voice barely above a whisper, and Lup nodded softly. The more she thought about it the more it sunk in and the worse she felt.

“I know,” she said, and it was quiet between them as they slowly tried to gather up their strength again. 

They only ended up resting for about two hours, and they could have gone longer but they were both fucking starving. Neither of them had gotten a chance to eat before this all went down, and right now their only options were to head back to the caravan and risk that dude finding them again, or to try and blindly look around for another town.

They ended up deciding on backtracking to the remains of the Sizzle It Up cart. There was too much there to leave, and if that guy wanted to follow them Lup got the feeling he would have. He seemed as surprised by the blast caused by her ring as she was, so maybe he decided whatever fucking ‘bounty’ he was supposed to get for them wasn’t worth it.

She kinda doubted that, but at the very least it seemed he retreated for now.

It was a little easier to walk with Taako’s leg bound up, especially after Lup found him a real big walking stick, but it was still painfully slow going. She wasn’t exactly in great shape either, every too deep breath causing a splitting pain in her side that she was still trying to tell herself was just a bruised rib. It was becoming less and less believable the more she walked, but it wasn’t impossible yet.

It was well into the afternoon when they managed to get back to the caravan, and Lup winced at the sight of it. Her and Taako weren’t big on getting overly attached to items. They’d been through enough to know how easily things and even people could be taken from you, and Lup liked to think that she had a pretty good handle on herself by this point.

But seeing Sizzle It Up destroyed was different. They’d worked for this, they’d worked  _ hard _ and for once in their lives something was actually going right. It was paying off, and they were actually happy.

And now all of that was gone.

“If I ever see that skeleton fucker again I’m gonna kill him, and if he’s already dead then I’m going to bring him back to life so that I can kill him again,” Lup said, kicking one of the wagon wheels that was lying snapped and broken on the ground. Taako nodded in agreement, hobbling over and starting to pick through what he could.

“It would be nice if we could figure out why the hell he’s attacking us in the first place, but I don’t be too upset if we don’t get to that before the whole killing thing,” he said. Lup supposed that was fair, she would also appreciate some answers if they happened to come up.

In the end they could only take what they could carry, and not even as much as they could usually carry with how fucked up they both were. They usually traveled light, but even with that it hurt having to leave so fucking much behind. There was no sign of their horse anywhere, it must’ve been too freaked out by the crash to even think of staying around.

The only lucky thing was that they had a decent stash of cash from their last few shows, as well as all the savings they’d shoved away in the case of an emergency. It took a bit of digging for Lup to get to the stash, but she didn’t want Taako to try it with his foot right now.

It was harder walking away from everything they couldn’t take than she expected it to be, and she knew the whole way there that it was going to be shitty as all get out.

Taking a long, shaky breath, they didn’t say anything as they left the cart behind. In her head Lup told herself this didn’t have to be the end. They did it once, and she couldn’t really remember how, it all must’ve been in such a crazed haze that it was a blur now, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t do it again. They were  _ going to _ do it again.

As soon as they took care of their skeletal pursuer that was.

It was a slow, fucking agonizing walk to the next closest town. They could have headed back to the one they came from, but asshole knew to find them there. They’d already risked coming back to the caravan, they couldn’t go right back to the town he found them in on top of that.

It was dark by the time they actually got to town, and Taako had stopped complaining about his foot about three hours ago, which was a bad sign. As long as he was moaning and whining she knew he was fine, it was when he got quiet that she needed to worry.

Lup had always been the more outgoing of the two, and right now it was easy to hop into the leader position as Taako kept lagging back. They needed to get him medical attention, but it was late, and looking around would mean more walking. Thinking it over as they hobbled into town, she decided they needed rest first. Find a place to sleep, and then maybe someone there could point them in the direction of a temple in the morning.

The innkeeper was clearly startled as they stumbled into the front door, but that was alright. Lup knew how to work that to their advantage. Giving them her best large, pleading eyes she tried to make herself look as sunken in and scared as possible, which honestly wasn’t too hard right now.

“I’m sorry to bother you so late. Some beast attacked our cart during our ride into town. It ran off our horse and sent our whole cart crashing off the side of the road a few miles outside of town. We had to walk this whole way, is it possible to get a room still?” she asked, really laying on the pity. Nothing she was saying wasn’t true after all, and the man very quickly nodded.

“Of course. Are you two alright, what kind of beast?” he asked, getting some keys ready for them.

“It was large, solid black with a white face, we didn’t see much more than that,” she said, and the innkeeper nodded. Lup figured it was best to leave it vague on if this ‘beast’ was humanoid or not. “My brother badly injured his foot, and I worry I might have bruised a few ribs myself. You wouldn’t happen to have a temple or cleric available in town, would you?” she asked, relieved when they nodded once again.

“We do, if you would like I could send for them first thing in the morning,” he said, and Lup nodded.

“Thank you so much. Our whole lives were in that cart, we were barely able to bring anything. If I had to walk another step I might just burst into tears,” she said, taking the key when he handed it over. When she saw the price for the room she was pleasantly surprised, although that was what she was hoping for with the pity party. The innkeeper must’ve noticed her expression, smiling reassuringly.

“A discount for your troubles, don’t worry about it,” he said, and she smiled again. Heading back over to where Taako was leaning on his walking still, looking near about passed out on his foot.

“You don’t know how must that helps. C’mon bro,” she said, and with that they headed over to their room. Thankfully there weren’t any stairs involved, and as soon as they were inside Lup went and collapsed on one of the beds. She regretted that a little bit when her side flared up in pain, but it was still worth it.

“How much’d we save?” Taako asked, sitting down a lot slower than she did, which was probably the smart move.

“About six gold I’d say,” she said, and Taako raised an eyebrow at that, an impressed look on his face.

“Well shit, I guess that’s something,” he said, and she nodded. It was quiet as they both laid there, too tired to change into anything else and not giving a shit to care.

“Hey Lup?” Taako asked quietly after a moment. Lup hummed in response, not feeling up to using real words but wanting him to know she was still awake. “We gotta… we gotta talk about all that, ya know?” he said, and she let out a sigh. She did know, even if she had no fucking idea what to actually say.

“I know,” she said, reaching up and clutching the ring in her hand. Her eyes were closed, so she didn’t know if Taako was watching her or not, and she honestly didn’t care. “Just… tomorrow though, I’m tired,” she said, and she could actually hear the relief in Taako’s voice at that.

“Yeah, tomorrow,” he said. Reluctantly, Lup forced herself to sit up enough to reach over and turn off the light.

Laying in the dark and clinging to the ring, she had so many questions. More than she could really bring herself to think about at once, or at all. It got too overwhelming too fast, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to start asking them.

For now though, she was just glad she had the ring.

Yeah, right now she was just glad it was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while since i've updated at night, but here we are! my mornings are pretty busy on the weekdays now so i probably will have more evening updates from here on out, but we'll see. Anyway I'm still super having fun getting this fic off the ground, maybe a bit more fast paced than some of my other fics, which is fun. 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and i hope you enjoyed!


	4. Not Many Answers

The innkeeper followed through the next morning and Lup was woken up by the sound of knocking at their door. It took her a moment to realize what was going on and remember why she felt sore all over. Right, the  _ everything. _

She would have waited for Taako to get the door, but he was the one with the broken foot and she was a good sister. She was sure she looked a mess, but she couldn’t really care as she went and opened the door, the innkeeper and an older human woman with dark skin and short white hair waiting there. Lup figured this was the cleric. She didn’t see a holy symbol but she was wearing long blue robes and had an immediately comforting presence that Lup figured could only come from divinity.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you but I thought you’d want a healer over as soon as possible,” the innkeeper said. Lup smiled, moving out of the way to let them in.

“Not a problem, been meaning to get up for a while,” she said, and it was a lie but no one else needed to know that. The woman came in but the innkeeper stayed in the doorway, actually taking a step back as he excused himself.

“I need to get to work, but please let me know if you need anything else,” he said, and Lup nodded, shutting the door behind him. It was just the three of them in the room now, and the healer woman was being weirdly quiet.

“So, you’re from the temple here?” Lup asked, and the woman shook her head, a softer, sad smile on her face.

“I’m afraid not. I was passing through when they came seeking help,” she explained, turning towards Taako. He’d managed to sit up in the bed by this point, his leg sticking out where he had transmuted the stone around it to keep it in place. “I thought I might be able to lend a hand. I will admit I am not a cleric, but I still have some tricks up my sleeves,” she said, which was more than a little bit cryptic.

Exchanging a glance with Taako, she could tell he was thinking the same thing. After a moment he shrugged, bending down and transmuting the stone around his foot into water, which splashed onto the ground unceremoniously. It was the quickest way to get the makeshift cast off, so Lup couldn’t blame him.

“Eh, not like we’ve got anything else to lose. Here, I think I broke it in uh, the crash,” he said as the woman knelt down to get a better look at his foot. Lup hovered close by, wanting to see what she was doing and also just wanting to learn more about this lady.

She couldn’t put words to it, but there was something about her. She made her that put Lup at ease in a way that felt like second nature.

After what they’d just been through, she really didn’t trust it.

“Yes, how did you crash again? The innkeeper had explained that you were attacked by a beast,” she asked, and Lup nodded, coming and sitting down next to Taako. She was gently running her hand over the break in Taako’s foot, a soft white glow starting in her staff, then traveling up her hand and encompassing his foot. It seemed to solidify for a moment, completely encasing his foot in an opaque white bubble before fading away.

“Huh,” he said, slowly twisting his ankle in a circle and curling his toes. “Yeah, it uh, attacked our caravan. We’re traveling chefs, maybe it like, smelled the food and wanted some,” he said, and Lup wasn’t surprised that he was being as cautious as she was with giving out too much information about what happened.

“And you?” the woman asked, turning towards Lup now. It took her a second to understand what she meant, but when she did she nodded, pulling her shirt up to show her side where she’d hit the tree. She hadn’t actually inspected it at all yet, and she didn’t like the hissing sound Taako made when he saw. She imagined the bruise was pretty impressive, but at this point she was refusing to look down.

“Not sure if they’re broken or not,” she said, and the woman nodded. She didn’t say a word as she reached a hand out, doing the same weird light spell to her as she’d done to Taako’s injury. As the warm light encased her side Lup felt a burst of energy, all the weariness from waking up disappearing. She expected it to leave once the woman finished the spell, but it stayed. Taking a deep breath, there was no sharp pain in her side, no rough, ragged breathing.

She felt great.

“Who are you?” Lup blurted out, because this woman hadn’t even given them a name yet. She was a woman who looked like she would be right at home sitting on a throne or commanding an army, and seeing and hearing her filled Lup with all the comfort of a warm home cooked meal on a winter day. She’d just healed their injuries like it was child’s play while claiming not even to be a cleric. It didn’t make any sense.

“You may call me Madame Director,” she said, and Lup exchanged a glance with her brother at that.

“Uh, director of what?” Taako asked, and the smile she was giving them now was definitely a little playful.

“I’m afraid I cannot tell you the exact specifics of that,” she said, using her staff to pull herself back up to her feet slowly now that they were healed. “But I do have an offer to make you both, if you are willing to hear it out,” she added.

Looking over at her brother, the silent debate they had didn’t last long. It was clear that this wasn’t something to trust, but neither of them were quite willing to turn it down without hearing it out first.

“Yeah alright, shoot,” Lup said, leaning forward somewhat with clear interest. The Director stood up a little bit straighter, her smile turning a bit more serious and professional.

“I am the head of an organization working towards the betterment of our world through the removal and destruction of items too dangerous to exist. We operate in the utmost secret and the job is incredibly dangerous. Joining is not a job I offer lightly, however I have heard of your skills and believe you both would be an excellent match for our organization, if you are so willing to join,” she said, and everything from her voice to the way she was standing to the look in her eye told Lup she was being serious.

It was deathly silent for a long, long moment.

And then they both burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Lup said, struggling to get herself under control while Taako was still snickering next to her. “Maybe you missed what my brother said, we’re traveling  _ chefs. _ Our magic is for cooking. Is your fancy organization looking to expand their  _ cafeteria?” _ she asked, and there was some obvious disappointment on this woman’s face.

“I mean, I certainly don’t think anyone would  _ complain _ if we added a few new items,” she muttered, but Taako was already shaking his head.

“Yeah, sorry but you’re barking up the wrong creek madame. Losing the cart was a setback for sure, that definitely stings, but I don’t think we’re quite desperate enough yet to be joining any shady organizations of peace or whatever,” he said, and Lup nodded in agreement.

“Well, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit disappointed,” the Director said, taking a moment to look at them both for what felt like a real long time. “But I will respect your decisions,” she finished.

“Appreciate it Madame D,” Lup said, earning another amused, sad smile from the woman.

“If you ever change your minds,” she said, handing over what looked like a small business card. There wasn’t actually any name for an organization, or even her name. Instead there was just some weird symbol and a faint glyph etched into the paper that shined with soft magic. Lup flipped it over before nodding and putting it into her pocket.

“We’ll keep that in mind,” she said, and the Director nodded. There was a moment where it looked like she was going to say something else, but it passed quickly. Instead she steadied herself again on her staff before nodding at the both of them.

“Is there anything else I can assist you with?” she asked. Lup glanced over at Taako, who twirled his ankle once more before shaking his head.

“I think we’re good, we good?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Yeah, thanks for the help. Hope you find some people a bit more suited for your weird shadow organization,” she said, and the Director smiled softly at that. It was hard to tell how genuine it was though, she was a hard woman to read in general. That combined with everything else about her really left Lup a lot more on edge than she wanted to be.

“I appreciate the thought, I hope that your luck improves as well,” she said, turning to leave. “Goodbye Taako, Lup. I am sure we will meet again someday,” she added before leaving the room without another word. Neither of them moved, not until they could hear her footsteps go down the hallway and eventually fade away.

“Hey Lup?” Taako asked once they were sure they were alone again.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t remember telling her our names,” he said, and Lup nodded. She had been thinking the same thing.

“Right no, that didn’t happen. I didn’t tell the innkeeper either,” she said, pushing herself up off the bed and stretching until her back cracked. Her side still felt fine, even as she took in a deep breath, her injury seemingly completely healed. “Hey uh, weird question, but did that lady feel, like…”

“Familiar?” Taako finished for her, and she nodded. “Yeah, it was fucking freaky,” he said, and Lup at least felt some relief at that. It wasn’t just her.

“Can I say something even crazier?” Lup asked, because it seemed like they were so far on the same page about this.

“It’s not like we’ve ever given a crap about how weird we sound to each other before now,” Taako said, which was fair. No matter how other people might treat them, they knew they could always count on each other.

“I kind of wanted to go with her,” she admitted, still not sure what had possessed her to want to do something that was clearly shady as fuck and such an obvious trap. She expected Taako, who was always the more cautious one of them, the one less willing to trust, to immediately shoot the idea down. So she was surprised when he nodded slightly. Still obviously frowning, but not shocked by the suggestion in the slightest.

“It’s definitely a trap though, right? Like, this weird lady appears out of nowhere right after all our shit gets trashed offering us a job? Hell, she was probably in league with the thing that attacked us,” he said, and Lup nodded sharply.

“You mean the terrifying specter of death? Yeah, there’s no way that thing isn’t involved here somehow. The timing is too convenient,” she said, and it felt more like she was trying to convince herself it was a bad idea to ever try and contact that lady again.

“Although, if they are connected… maybe we could get some answers from that lady,” Taako muttered, and Lup turned back towards him. He noticed her questioning face quickly enough and continued. “I’m just saying, I don’t know why the fuck that asshole attacked us, but I would very much  _ like _ to know,” he said, and Lup nodded in agreement.

“He said he had a bounty on us, but what the fuck have  _ we _ done- don’t answer that,” she snapped quickly, Taako closing his mouth with a pout. “You know what I mean though, we haven’t done anything to warrant  _ that,” _ she said, starting to pace around the room now.

“Yeah, that was kinda crossing some lines,” he said, and she could see his eyes following her around the room. “Also maybe, well…” he trailed off slightly. Lup pausing turning towards him. It didn’t take too long to realize he was staring at the ring around her neck. “I’m just saying, if we find out what the fuck that dude was and why he wants us, maybe we could find out something about your weird little good luck charm too,” he finished.

Lup froze at the idea, only moving to reach up and enclose her fist around the ring. Stopping and thinking, the feeling she got from that woman was similar to the ones she got from the ring, if not quite the same flavor. The base ingredients were still there though, a comfort mixed with sadness that she couldn’t quite place.

She hadn’t noticed when she’d closed her eyes, but when she opened them again she looked back at Taako. She didn’t say anything, but she could tell he already knew what she was going to do when she pulled that card out of her pocket. He didn’t object, and Lup looked it over before pressing down hard on the glyph in the center.

With a small burst of magic it went into flames, falling away without actually burning her hand. Then there was nothing.

About a minute or so later they could hear footsteps quickly shuffling down the hall, like someone was trying to force themselves not to run. Then a knock at their door. When Lup answered it the Director was standing there, a genuinely confused and surprised expression on her face.

“I’m sorry, did I forget something? You know, those cards aren’t infinite,” she said, and Lup shook her head.

“Nah, we changed our minds. We’re coming with you,” she said, and for just a moment that impenetrable professional mask was gone. A hand went up and clasped over her mouth as if attempting to hide the smile there, and Lup swore for a second she saw her trying to blink back tears.

It didn’t last long though, and before Lup could properly process everything about the sudden joy on this woman’s face she was back to normal, if definitely smiling a bit more genuinely.

“Well, in that case if you two are feeling up to it we have no time to waste,” she said. Lup quickly went and grabbed her bags, Taako picking up his own items and throwing his hat on as well.

“Lead the way Director lady,” Taako said, and she nodded.

“Alright then, I promise you will not regret this,” the Director said. As Lup followed her out of the inn she had a feeling she was right. Sure, they had no real idea what the fuck it was they were getting into, but as long as it got them some answers, she didn’t care.

Besides, as long as her and Taako were together, they could handle anything.

——

Barry didn’t hear anything from Angus for about a week. Honestly, he wasn’t surprised, he wasn’t expecting to hear from the kid again at all. Hopefully his parents had realized he’d been going out to meet complete  _ strangers _ while out playing detective and put a stop to that real quick.

Even though he didn’t exactly expect a follow up, he still figured it wouldn’t hurt to listen to the kid’s advice. So he got an appointment with his doctor and tried to explain the symptoms as much as possible without mentioning anything about the ring. As he ran tests Barry wondered why he had never bothered to go to a doctor about this before. Surely this would explain what was wrong. He must’ve had something, some issue that could be diagnosed and solved. Maybe not fixed, depending on how bad it was, but at least he would  _ know. _

Except then the tests came back, and as far as anyone could tell he was perfectly fine. Healthy even, surprisingly so considering all of his habits. His brain was fine, no missing pieces or plaque covering the thing, no signs of any magical curse even.

There was no reason for him to be missing any memories.

It didn’t make any sense.

Maybe he was just crazy. That’s what Barry was starting to consider now, sitting alone in his rarely used kitchen. Maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with his brain, and the ring was just a ring, and he was so goddamn lonely that he decided to make up some fake feelings of loss and attach those feelings to an item he picked up at a garage sale instead of being depressed like a normal person.

Eventually he got hungry enough to actually get up and do what he’d come into the kitchen to do in the first place, which was make himself some lunch. He threw together a quick sandwich, not having the energy for anything else. He’d never been good at cooking, it was like his mind went blank whenever he stepped into a kitchen.

He’d just sat down to eat when he heard a knock at his door. Letting out a barely muffled groan Barry pushed himself up, wondering who was actually trying to talk to him. He never spoke much to any of his neighbors, and he highly doubted any of his coworkers would have a reason to track him down over break.

Even though it was honestly what he should have expected, Barry was surprised to see the kid detective standing there when he opened the door.

“How… how did you get here?” he asked, blinking in surprise. Angus had been smiling brightly, but that quickly dipped into confusion at the question.

“I walked sir?” he said, which was probably fair. Barry shook his head though, because that wasn’t what he meant.

“No I mean, yeah I didn’t think anyone was letting a six year old drive a wagon by himself,” he said, getting an annoyed huff from Angus.

“Eight,” he injected, but Barry ignored him to continue.

“I meant like, how did you find me? And uh, why?” he asked, only getting an even more perplexed look from the kid. All he could do was take a step back as the tiny detective pushed his way past him to come into his apartment, not bothering to wait for Barry to invite him in. Which honestly he wasn’t  _ planning _ to do, because this wasn’t his kid.

“You sent me letters sir, I have your address,” he said, which, oh right. That wasn’t the brightest on his part. “And I told you I would be following up with you on your mystery,” he added. Barry nodded a bit reluctantly, still not sure what the fuck to think of all this.

“Do you do this often? You know you shouldn’t just be walking into strangers houses. Where are your parents?” he asked, because that seemed like the biggest concern here. Barry was kind of an asshole sure, but he wasn’t the kind of asshole that hurt kids. That didn’t mean those people weren’t out there, and this kid was inviting himself into strange men’s houses without a care in the world apparently. Something was begging to go wrong at this point.

“I can take care of myself sir, you don’t have to worry about that,” he assured, and Barry tried not to look too outwardly incredulous at that. “Anyway sir, is now a good time to talk?” Angus asked, and all Barry could do was shrug.

“I was about to uh, eat some lunch? But otherwise I guess so?” he said, and Angus grinned at that, heading over to the shabby couch in his living room. Barry followed along, sitting down and starting to eat his sandwich as Angus got his notebook out.

“So, I was able to make some very interesting finds, but I would like to hear how things have been with you first. Did you manage to see a doctor?” Angus asked, and it was clear he was trying to appear professional and older than he was. It was pretty impossible not to see the excited little kid sitting cross legged across from him though.

“Yeah uh,” Barry started, pausing to swallow the food in his mouth. “Yeah, I went, got tested for a bunch of stuff that could result in memory lost. They all came back negative. As far as anyone can tell I should be perfectly healthy,” he explained, because if the kid was here he might as well tell him. Angus actually looked even more excited at that, taking a note as he nodded along.

“I thought something like that might happen,” he said, and Barry raised an eyebrow at that.

“You were now?” he asked, and the kid nodded.

“Yes! Well, maybe. It makes sense though, considering what I found,” he said, and despite himself Barry couldn’t help but be a little bit curious. He wasn’t expecting much, but so far he’d been genuinely surprised by how sharp this kid was. Clearly not a lot of sense in the self preservation department, but hopefully he’d get that in time.

“And that is?” he asked, getting a huge grin from Angus as he answered.

“Nothing!” he announced, and sure Barry hadn’t actually been expecting anything. Somehow though he still managed to feel somewhat disappointed, his face falling. Angus seemed to expect that though, because it didn’t seem to hamper his confidence any as he continued. “No sir, I mean that very literally. I found  _ nothing,” _ he repeated, which honestly didn’t make it sound any better.

“And that’s supposed to help… how?” he asked.

“It’s supposed to help because it proves that something’s wrong. I looked into everything you told me about last time sir, I looked up your parents, I looked up you, and I found  _ nothing. _ As far as I can tell you didn’t  _ exist _ before you got your job at the university six years ago,” Angus explained, and it was slowly starting to come together in his head why the kid was so excited about this.

“What- what do you mean? There had to be  _ something,  _ I didn’t just fall out of the sky. I had a life before then, I had a family. I can still remember them. Are you sure?” he asked, and Angus nodded sharply.

“Not according to any official documents you didn’t. I don’t know what happened to you six years ago, but it seems to me it was a lot more than messing up a few memories,” Angus said, and Barry wanted to tell him he was wrong. Surely he must’ve missed something, after all he was just a little kid and Barry hadn’t even lived in Neverwinter before then. It was entirely possible that he just didn’t know where to look.

But what if he was right? What if there really was something missing from his life, something big enough that there were no traces left of his life beforehand. No trace of  _ him _ beforehand. Maybe he was just looking for confirmation of his own feelings, but it certainly felt like everything before six years ago was some sort of faraway dream.

“I’m uh, I’m gonna need to think about this,” he said finally. Angus nodded, not looking upset or anything by that.

“Of course sir, I’m sure it’s a lot to take in,” he said, and Barry almost rolled his eyes at that. Not because he was wrong, but because it was fucking weird being consoled like that by a toddler. “Now, the one downside is that this doesn’t leave me with a lot of clues about what to look into next, but I’m sure I’ll figure out something,” he added.

“Yeah uh, you really don’t gotta. This is enough, more than enough honestly. Lemme go grab my wallet, you did a good job kiddo,” he said, sitting up to go get his wallet off of the kitchen table. Angus followed after him, frowning somewhat.

“But I haven’t actually solved your mystery yet sir,” he protested as Barry counted out about two hundred gold. Maybe a little bit more, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it. Considering the fact that the kid had managed to come up with anything at all it seemed well worth it.

“Don’t worry about it kid. Like you said, there aren’t really any other leads to go off of from here. I appreciate all the work you did so far,” he said, handing over the small pouch of gold. Angus took it, although he still looked conflicted.

“I’m not going to give up on this case sir. This is the most fascinating mystery I’ve ever had,” he said, and Barry shrugged at that, starting to lead the kid out of his apartment.

“And if you manage to find anything I’ll pay you  _ double _ what’s in that bag. Until then though maybe you should go home and uh, make sure you do go making a habit of walking unannounced into stranger’s apartments, alright gumdrop?” he said, opening his front door and gently pushing the kid out into the hallway.

“Sir!” Angus complained, but before he could say anything Barry shut the door. It was quiet for a moment, and then he could hear the kid’s footsteps slowly walking away.

Once he was sure he was alone Barry slumped up against his door, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. Looking at his hand, he slowly spun the ring around his finger, not bothering to take it off to read the inscription, instead just feeling along the outside as he twisted it around.

“How am I supposed to find you if I don’t even know who  _ I _ am?” Barry whispered, and it should feel ridiculous. There was no one to find.

Barry didn’t feel ridiculous though.

He just felt empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was the chapter where i realized that this fic is going to be _very_ canon divergent and i hope y'all are into that, because we're going places. i've got plans. _vague_ plans!
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and i hope you enjoy.


	5. Too Deep Now

Barry tried to tell himself that Angus had to be wrong. After all, he was just a little kid, he couldn’t take his word without any sort of proof.

So he decided to look into what he had said himself. Even if he couldn’t remember specifics, surely he would be able to find  _ something.  _ Some sort of proof that the bits of life he did remember from before he came here actually existed. That  _ he _ actually existed.

Except now that he was looking, Barry found himself coming up empty. Every place he could think to look came back with no new information, no break through showing that he wasn’t insane. That he had a life before now.

The closest he could find was a birth certificate, which he had apparently submitted with the rest of his information to the school when he had first applied. There was a name of the town he was born on the certification, but as Barry read it there wasn’t any sort of recognition. He couldn’t say he’d ever even heard of the town before reading it now, and it certainly didn’t have the kind of familiarity that one should have from their home town.

But it was the best lead he had. It was the  _ only _ lead he had, so all he could do was take it. It had been about four days since his last meeting with Angus, but it didn’t seem like all that long in the grand scheme of things. Still, he couldn’t sit around staring at blank papers that gave him no clues on what it was he was missing. 

Packing up a small bag, Barry told himself it wasn’t going to be a long trip. It was a two day train ride and then another day on a wagon to the town on his birth certificate, some place called Raven’s Roost. It was a ten day’s trip if he only took a wagon, but there was a train that went close by that could cut the time in half. He was just going to go there, look around, and then come back.

Hopefully with some proof that all of this was… well, he wasn’t sure what he was hoping for anymore. If he wanted for it to be that there really as something,  _ someone _ he was missing, or if he wanted for there to be nothing to find, that his life was as normal as it had always appeared. All he really knew was that he needed a solid answer one way or another.

Taking a deep breath, Barry took one last look around his apartment before heading towards the door.

And nearly tripped over the kid that was standing right outside of it, his hand held up as if he was halfway to knocking.

“Gods damn kid, nearly gave me a heart attack,” he said, catching his footing. Angus for his part also looked surprised, and Barry could see him taking in his appearance.

“I’m sorry sir, are you going somewhere?” he asked, and Barry nodded. Moving past the kid, he made sure to lock his door behind him before starting away. He couldn’t say he was too surprised when Angus immediately followed after him, looking at him expectantly. When Barry didn’t elaborate any more though he frowned slightly. “Where are you going, sir?” he asked finally.

“Away,” he said simply, because he didn’t have to actually explain what he was doing to this kid. He certainly didn’t owe him anymore, he paid him more than he’d agreed to at their last meeting, so he was in the clear. His curt answer didn’t seem to dissuade Angus any, who kept on following along step by step.

“Yes, I gathered that much sir. I meant what specific location,” he said, and Barry figured the kid knew he didn’t just misunderstand the question. It did make it a bit harder to not answer the actual question without being the biggest raging douchebag now though. Letting out a sigh, sometimes he really wished he was the slightest bit less of a good person than he was.

“Place called Raven’s Roost,” he said, hoping that would be enough to satisfy the kid but having a pretty good idea that it wouldn’t. From the excited look that immediately fell over Angus’s face it seemed like his feeling had been pretty accurate.

“Oh? Did you find a lead on the mystery?” Angus asked, and they had left Barry’s apartment building by this point. It was a bit of a walk to the train station, and Barry planned to have definitely ditched the kid by the time he got there.

“I don’t know if that’s how I would put it,” he said.

“So you  _ did,” _ Angus said, and Barry sighed. This was what he got for trying to be a nice person for once and actually humoring the kid.

“Raven’s Roost is the name of the town on my birth certificate. It doesn’t ring any bells, but…” he trailed off. At this point he figured it would be easier to get rid of the tiny detective by telling him the truth rather than insist he drop it.

“That’s a great idea sir! I’m glad I caught you before you left, we should go right away,” Angus said. Barry bulked at that, immediately coming to a halt and turning towards the kid.

“Uh, sorry but let’s stop right there. There’s no ‘we’ here kiddo. I’m gonna be gone for like two weeks, and you’re not coming,” he said, because he needed to make this as clear as possible. Angus was immediately frowning in disappointment, but Barry told himself that didn’t matter. There was no way he was going to let a literal eight year old tag along for this.

“But you hired me to help you solve this mystery,” Angus argued. Barry sighed, pushing his glasses up some so that he could rub at his eyes.

“Listen kid, you gotta understand that what you’re talking about, if I was to take you and just fucking leave the city? That’s kidnapping. Where the fuck are your parents?” he asked, and he was pretty damn sure it wasn’t the first time he’d asked that question. Angus had never answered it before though, and he didn’t look especially enthused to this time either.

“Well, I live with my grandpa actually sir,” he said, which did confirm at least that suspicion. Whoever his parents were, they weren’t in the picture anymore. It wasn’t as bad as Barry feared it might have been though, be still had some guardian.

“My point still stands. I don’t think your grandpa will be very happy with you just leaving for a couple of weeks,” he argued, hoping he could convince the kid what a bad idea this was. It would definitely be the easiest way to go about this, and Barry had to hurry up or else he was going to miss his train.

“He won’t notice,” Angus insisted, a conviction there that Barry really didn’t like. “I promise he won’t, I’ve been gone for longer than that. He’s never noticed before,” he continued, and if Barry had to take a guess the kid wasn’t thinking through the implications of what he was saying. As far as he could tell, he just really fucking wanted to come on this little mystery hunt trip and figured this would be the best way of going about it.

It didn’t seem like any of it was a lie either though.

Which was just…

_ Fuck. _

“Damn it,” he grumbled, looking at his watch. “I need to get going,” he said, looking back at Angus. The little kid was staring at up him all hopefully, and despite his better judgment Barry could feel his resolve wavering.

“I’m not taking you with me,” he still managed to force himself to say, a decisive tone to his voice that immediately made Angus's face drop. He could have left it at that. He  _ should _ have left it at that, but despite his better judgment he found himself continuing.

“But, ya know, I can’t fucking stop what you decide to do. If you want to buy a train ticket it’s not like I have any say in the matter. You’re not my kid,” he said, and immediately the brat's face lit up. The smile he got then was honestly pretty damn smug, definitely more smug than he had any right to be, considering Barry had basically given him permission to tag along.

“That’s true sir. You  _ can’t _ stop me,” he said. Barry rolled his eyes, not saying anything else as he started walking towards the train station again. Angus continued to keep pace, and all Barry could think about was how this was definitely a very bad idea. It was one thing to just fucking pack up for an ill advised, poorly planned trip on his own. It was another thing altogether to let an elementary schooler tag along with him.

It wasn’t long before they got to the train station though, and Barry was following through on his promise. He wasn’t taking this kid with him, if he wanted to come he needed to do all of this himself. Maybe he hovered around to see what happened, but it was mostly because he didn’t quite need to get on the train yet and he was curious.

To his surprise Angus seemed to have a pretty good handle of what to do, buying himself a train ticket with a practiced ease that suggested this wasn’t the first time he’d done it. Considering the fact that he had been so sure that his grandpa wouldn’t notice him missing for weeks at a time, Barry figured it probably wasn’t.

When it was actually time to get on the train Barry didn’t stop Angus from sitting down across from him. At this point it wasn’t worth it.

It wasn’t until the train started to move, pulling out of Neverwinter did it really hit Barry that he was doing this. He had no fucking idea what he would find, and maybe it would be nothing. Still, he was leaving Neverwinter for the first time since he moved there, and something about the world outside of it seemed so… unknown. He’d never traveled much, but this felt like another level all together.

“What do you think we’ll find sir?” Angus asked as they started leaving Neverwinter. It was also starting to sink in that he’d let this kid tag along with him too. As much as he said he couldn’t do anything to keep him from coming, that wasn’t true. He was pretty sure that if he insisted Angus go home enough times the kid would have listened. He was probably going to regret that decision.

“Dunno,” he answered simply, staring out the window. It was still pretty early in the day, and the moon was visible up in the light blue sky. “Hopefully just… something,” he added, twisting the ring on his finger around some as he did. Angus nodded in agreement, and they fell into a comfortable enough silence after that, Angus pulling out a book and starting to read. Barry considered doing the same, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus right now.

Instead, he sat and stared out at the sky. He just hoped that this would be worth it.

He knew there had to be answers out there somewhere.

At this point he didn’t think he could stop until he found them.

—

Lup wasn’t sure where this lady was leading them, but it felt like they were in too deep to back out now. They weren’t, not quite yet anyway, but there was no way Lup was going to walk away without answers now.

The town they were in was small, they hadn’t been planning to stop here and were honestly lucky it was close enough to walk to last night. Even though she never wanted to move again after all of that, the healing had left Lup pretty well energized. It didn’t take long to reach the edge of town, out and away from where most other people seemed to congregate.

“Gotta say, getting some creepy murder in the woods vibes going on here,” Taako said, and Lup couldn’t blame him for that. The Director chuckled, not seeming bothered by the comment.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing like that,” she said, and holding out her wrist Lup watched as she pressed some sort of symbol on a silver bracer. “Now we just wait a moment,” she added, and there was some clear excitement in her form that she wasn’t doing as good of a job at concealing as she had been with the rest of her emotions.

“Wait for what? Gotta say, if you’re trying to indoctrinate us into your weird secret cult you’re gonna have to start filling in some blanks. Like, where’s the  _ hook?” _ Lup asked, as if she wasn’t dying to know what the fuck was going on with this woman. If there was some way she was connected to that agent of death, and to her ring and just  _ all of  _ this. Still, she didn’t need anyone else but Taako to know that, it was better if they kept their cards close to the chest.

“Oh don’t worry, I promise plenty of answers will be coming very soon. Trust me, you’re going to like this. We just got it installed,” she said, looking up at the sky now. Looking over at Taako, he shrugged before looking up to see if he could spot whatever she was waiting for as well. Following their gaze, it took a moment before Lup noticed it, although when she did she couldn’t quite make out what it was.

It came into focus very quickly though, some sort of giant glass ball coming straight at them.

“Wait. Fuck,” the Director said, diving out of the way. Lup scrambled back as well, making sure to grab Taako as she did. The huge fucking sphere landed with a hard crash in the center of them, and looking over at the Director she was wincing slightly.

“Okay, so, still in need of a few adjustments there,” she muttered, slowly picking herself up off the ground. Lup dusted herself off while Taako looked at the glass ball with suspicion.

“Just gonna repeat myself here, luring us into the woods and then nearly  _ crushing us with a giant glass ball _ really ain’t making the best first impression lady,” he huffed, and Lup nodded in agreement.

“I do apologize, but I did say we just had them installed,” she said, and when she walked up to the sphere a door Lup hadn’t noticed in the glass suddenly slid open. Without any hesitation the Director walked inside, taking a seat at one of the chairs. Peaking in Lup could see three other chairs, and honestly not much else. It seemed like it was focused on transportation and that’s it.

“Well?” the Director asked, and Lup glanced over nervously at Taako. They hadn’t actually talked about this, and as much as she wanted answers she didn’t want to drag her brother into this if he wasn’t for it. It didn’t take long for him to notice her gaze, and with a grin he pulled himself into the sphere.

“Yeah alright, already came this far,” he said. Lup couldn’t help the smile that spread on her face as she quickly climbed in after him, sitting in a chair. As soon as the three of them were inside the door shut again, and with a jolt the sphere started to rise.

“Now I will warn you. Things are going to begin to get a little bit uncomfortable, but if you do your best to not think about anything too deeply we should be able to get that all cleared up very soon,” the Director said as they started to rise.

“Just going full in on the ominous train huh?” Taako muttered, and even Lup could admit that this was starting to get a little creepy. There was still something about this lady she trusted, but she was telling the truth with the uncomfortable thing. As Lup tried to figure out where they were heading her head started to hurt, a nasty headache setting in. She had said not to think about anything too deeply, so obviously Lup was going to do the opposite of that.

They were coming up on something, a strange floating base of some sort. It was too large to stay suspended like that, not without some seriously powerful magic.

A sort of porthole opened up on the bottom of the base, and they slowly raised up into it. When they came to a stop they were in a large room with what looked like a giant cannon and a few other of these weird transport balls. The only other person in the room was some nerd looking kid (well he was probably like 19 or 20 but as far as Lup was concerned that was still barely an adult) standing behind some big control panel.

The door opened up again, the Director walking out first. Almost immediately the dork was rushing over to her, a look of excitement on his face.

“How’d it go? The trajectory looked spot on from up here, but I think the landing might need a bit more padding. Who are they?” Nerd asked, only noticing her and Taako as they climbed out after the Director. Climbed certainly felt like the most appropriate word, because Lup was having to hold onto the side to keep from falling over. She didn’t know what the fuck was going on but she didn’t like it. She couldn’t  _ think. _

“Your worst nightmare little man,” Taako mumbled, and he sounded just as fucked up as she felt.

“Lucas, these are new recruits for our organization. I think they will be able to do great things with us,” the Director said. This nerd, apparently named Lucas, frowned and looked at the two of them with a scrutinizing glare. Lup could see Taako glaring right back, before pointing at his eyes and back to Lucas. Figuring it would be a fun contrast, Lup shot finger guns at him.

“Uh, you sure about that Lucretia?” Lucas asked, and immediately the Director groaned.

“I told you- I  _ told you, _ please, it’s Madame Director,” she insisted, the tone of her voice making it clear that this was something they had been over multiple times already. “And yes, I am quite certain,” she added, and Lup still wasn’t sure what the deal was with that yet. To be fair though, she wasn’t very sure on what the deal was with anything right now.

“So um, hate to interrupt but you remember that thing you were saying about stuff all making sense soon? When is ‘soon’ gonna happen?” Lup asked, because the longer she stood here the worse her headache got. The director quickly nodded, a more serious expression falling over her face.

“Yes, of course. Right this way,” she said, giving Lucas a nod before starting to lead them out of the room. As they walked Lup tried to take note of all the different stuff around her, but honestly it was hard to think and sometimes it felt like it was hard to even see certain things. She wasn’t sure when she’d started clutching her ring again, but even with her brain feeling like it was swimming through jelly the feel of it in her hand helped some.

They ended up taking a few elevators, and Lup didn’t like how far they had to walk. She couldn’t keep track of where they were going, if they needed to make a break for it she wasn’t sure she would be able to remember the way back. Taako didn’t seem to be in any better condition, one of his hands coming up to grab onto her shoulder after a bit.

After what felt like way too long but was really about five or so minutes of slow walking they reached a large room. That was all that Lup could tell for sure, a big circular room with a large pool in the center and something… there was something in that pool. She kept trying to focus on it, to see that thing she could tell was in front of her, but whatever it was wouldn’t stick in her mind. Her eyes, her thoughts would glaze over and her head was absolutely pounding now.

She barely managed to watch as the Director walked over to the pool, bending down and filled up a small glass with the water from it. Walking back, she held it out to the two of them.

“This will make it so that I can explain everything,” she said, and Lup eyed the glass with suspicion. She wanted to trust this lady, and she didn’t know why. Still, she couldn’t take that blind faith alone, as much as she wanted answers she wasn’t going to be stupid.

“You first homie,” Taako spoke up for her, having the same exact thought she was having. The Director didn’t seem bothered by the request in the slightest, immediately drinking some before holding it out again. She did make a face, but it wasn’t really anything more than mild displeasure.

“I will warn you, it has a sort of fishy taste, and it’s about the consistency of gogurt if you’re not into that,” she said. Sharing one last look over at Taako, with the smallest nod she reached out and took the glass. Taking a swing, she didn’t actually let herself swallow until Taako also had his.

The pounding headache in the back of her head, the cotton covering her brain in a thick web immediately cleared, the whole scene focusing around her. She could see what was sitting in a large glass dome that covered the entirety of the pool, although she still had to take a moment to actually make sense of the giant jellyfish floating on top of the water.

And when she registered that, more started to come. They were spotty, it took for a moment to realize they were memories. Memories of a war, of great battles fought over indescribably dangerous objects. Of whole towns engulfed in flames or drowned in storms or transformed to precious gems.

Lup fell to her knees as the memories continued to hit her, her eyes squeezed tight and her hand clenched so hard around the ring she could feel the stone digging into her skin.

These were memories. Memories she had lost, that she hadn’t even realized were gone. At least a whole year that had just disappeared from her mind, and she found herself shuffling through every bit that came back, trying desperately to remember more. There had to be  _ more. _

She’d had her ring. She could remember wearing it, not as a necklace but as a proper ring always.

She still had no idea when or where she had gotten it.

“Lup?” Taako asked, and she didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there, clutching her ring. She could tell that she was shaking, and taking a deep breath she tried to steady herself, offering what probably wasn’t a very convincing smile.

“A hell of a drink you got there ‘Cresh,” she said shakily, trying her best to joke. She looked up just in time to see the woman flinch  _ hard, _ her expression hard to read.

“It’s Madame Director if you don’t mind,” she said, and Lup nodded. Taako helped her to her feet, and it was the first time she let go of her ring since they got in here. She saw his eyes flick down to it, an unspoken question on his face. She figured he got the same rush of memories, she knew where his mind went.

She shook her head the slightest bit, and he seemed to understand when she went to turn back towards the Director.

“Right, right sorry. So um, an explanation then? Because don’t get me wrong, that was certainly enlightening but I kinda feel like I have more questions than I started out with,” she said. 

“Of course, after such a leap of faith you two are certainly owed an explanation,” the Director said, taking a deep breath and straightening up a bit more before continuing.

“We are an organization called the Bureau of Balance. Those memories you just received are from a great war that ravaged our world about six years ago over items we call the grand relics. These relics hold unspeakable power, as you presumably now remember. Our goal is to collect these objects and destroy them so that they may never enact such damage and devastation ever again,” the Director explained, and that all tracked. Lup could definitely remember a real fucking bad war now, could remember the damage that had been done.

“Why couldn’t we remember this shit before now though?” Taako asked, and he seemed to have his head about him a little bit more than she did right now.

“In order to put a stop to the war for these items, drastic measures had to be taken. This creature behind me is called the voidfish. It is able to hide information from the world. The only way to access this information once the voidfish has consumed it is by drinking its ichor,” she explained.

“Is it selective?” Lup asked, immediately getting a strange look from the Director. Again, it was hard to tell what she was feeling, even more so now. “Like, when we drink the jellyfish juice, it’s all back? No more missing memories, we got it all now?” she pressed. The Director nodded, and Lup could feel her looking her over now.

“Yes, once you’ve imbibed its ichor all memories erased by it are restored. Why do you ask?” she asked, and it was hard for Lup not to reach up and grab her ring again, but that would only draw more attention to it.

“Just making sure,” she said, taking a deep breath. "Don't like being out of the loop is all," she added, the Director nodding at that.

“Fair enough,” she said, a softer smile forming on her face then. “Well, you two have had a very long morning, and from the sound of it a rough night before that. Now, this is sort of a… temporary base. We are working on completing a final product for the bureau, but I can show you to a spare room while you get acclimated,” the Director said. Glancing over at Taako, she could tell he was itching for a chance to talk in private just as much as she was.

“That sounds great Madame D, lead the way,” she said, earning another small smile from the Director. Following her through this strange base, that looked more like a giant lab from what she could take in now, Lup still had so many questions. She told herself those would have to wait for now though.

They could wait just a little bit longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is part of this fic just an excuse for me to write about all my headcanons for the early start up of the bureau of balance and how lucretia got it up and running? possibly. listen i don't get to talk about it enough and it is fascinating to me. 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and i hope you enjoy


	6. Chasing Ghosts

“Please be sure to get some rest. There is a kitchen down the hall if you get hungry and would like to make yourself anything. I will come by later tonight to get everything else tied up,” the Director said once they got to the spare room. It was a decent sized room, although it meant her and Taako going back to sharing a room. Still, it was definitely better than not having any place to stay at all, which was the position they  _ had _ been in before she showed up. Lup nodded, going in and throwing her bag down on one of the beds.

“Sounds good,” she said, Taako following her lead and throwing his own bag down as well. “And uh, thanks again, for everything,” Lup added. The Director smiled softly at that, giving them a small nod before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

Then it was quiet for a long moment, neither of them doing anything as they stood and listened to the director’s footsteps fade off into the distance. When they were no longer able to hear her for one, two, three seconds, that silence broke.

“What the  _ fuck?!” _

“What the actual goddamn fuck!”

They both shouted, and there were so many emotions bubbling up inside of Lup she collapsed down onto the bed, no idea what her expression was when she looked up at Taako. For his part he definitely seemed just as freaked out as she was, and considering all the bullshit of the past day and some change she couldn’t blame him in the slightest. She'd be worried if he  _ wasn't _ freaked out.

“Are you good? Like, that weird memory squid juice seemed to hit you hard,” Taako asked, some obvious concern in his voice. Lup nodded, her hand immediately going up to her ring again. She could see his eyes following her movement, could see that question back on his face, and let out a sigh.

“I’m fine. It was just… all these memories came flooding back, and they were all pretty terrible, but I was trying to place if there was anything about… ya know,” she said, holding the ring up between her fingers instead of actually saying it.

“Was there?” he asked, and she tried not to look as bitter as she felt when she shook her head.

“Nothing. I mean, I remember having it during those new memories I guess,” she said. She was staring at the ring now, rereading that engraving again hoping that it would spark something _. Anything. _

It didn’t, and after a moment she let go of the ring just long enough to reach back and unclasp the simple silver chain it was hanging from. Taking it off the chain, she slipped it back onto her ring finger.

“Planning on filling me in here? Cause you’ve got that like, determined look on your face and you just put on a wedding ring that shoots out giant blasts of energy so honestly cha’ boy is feeling a little left out here,” Taako said. Normally Lup would tease him over something like this. She couldn’t blame him for being confused as fuck and from the sound of it kind of worried.

“I just… the one thing I can remember is that I used to wear it like this all the fucking time. And it’s like you said, it shoots out giant energy blasts at terrifying skeletal assholes! So I’m gonna fucking wear it,” she said, and she wished that was it. She wished that it didn’t feel like such a lifeline to her.

“I mean that’s all well and good but I still got a lot of questions here,” Taako said, and yeah she figured as much.

“Me too okay? I just… god I don’t even know where to start  _ asking. _ We’re on some floating base and there’s a jellyfish with memory powers and- and a  _ war. _ Fuck, you remember the war?” she asked, and Taako grimaced slightly as he nodded.

“Bits and pieces. I remember it was bad, honestly I’m trying not to think about it too much,” he said.

“Yeah, same here,” she said, sighing heavily. This was all so much, and she appreciated the Director giving them time to process it all but she still had so many questions.

“Do you think she was telling the truth? About the memory thing?” Taako asked, and Lup raised an eyebrow at that.

“You mean about it giving us back  _ all  _ our memories?” she asked, and he nodded. “No, I don’t think so,” she said, and she’d been trying not to think about it too much but it was true. Now more than ever she was certain that there was something missing.

“So what? You think that’s really a wedding ring then. Like  _ your _ super magical goddamn wedding ring from an actual wedding because you got married?” Taako pressed, and Lup could feel her face heating up some at the thought as she shrugged. She was trying to look nonchalant, like this all wasn’t even a big deal, but she knew she wasn’t doing that good of a job.

“I mean, nothing’s impossible I guess. Maybe,” she mumbled, because it felt a little too surreal to actually think of herself as  _ married. _ It certainly wasn’t out of the question now that she was really thinking about it. If she was being honest though she would have liked to maybe not think about it quite so much.

“Fuck, okay that’s just too weird. Floating bases and secret wars and terrifying magical artifacts I can all accept, that I can do. My dear sister who I cherish forgetting that she secret married some fool is too much,” he huffed, getting up and starting to pace around the room now. Honestly the only good thing about this was that it shows that his foot was definitely healed up nice now.

“We don’t know that it’s a secret! Maybe I was super open about my marriage before the memory wipe beam hit us! It’s not like I would marry someone you thought was an asshole. I bet you  _ approved.  _ I bet you cried while you walked me down the goddamn aisle!” Lup said, and she was probably getting a little carried away but it was true. She’d never put that much thought into relationships but whenever she did she couldn’t ever imagine being with someone who didn’t understand that Taako was going to be a constant in her life.

“Ugh, that’s so fucking  _ weird!” _ Taako whined, falling back and rolling onto his new bed. Lup rolled her eyes at the dramatic display, but she honestly couldn’t blame him too much. It was definitely really fucking weird.

“Yeah well you’re gonna have to get used to it fast. Cha’ girl is or uh, might have at one point,  _ maybe, _ been a married woman,” she said, and it still didn’t feel like something that was real, not in her head. When she tried to think about it the whole thing sounded wrong, but the certainty in her chest wouldn’t let go either.

“Alright then Mrs. B, if you insist,” Taako said, and Lup raised her eyebrows at that.

“Mrs  _ what?” _ she asked, and Taako lazily pointed at her hand, and the ring now on her finger.

“Don’t think I haven’t seen you reading that inscription all the goddamn time. Whoever gave you that thing signed their name with B, hence Mrs. B,” he explained, and Lup could feel how hot her face was now.

“You’re not calling me that,” she insisted, Taako not looking very convinced.

“Uhuh, anyway, what are we doing? Like, with all this shit and this whole organization. Are we really in this?” he asked, and Lup had to think it over for a good long moment. This wasn’t something they should take lightly. She wasn’t sure if this was something they should take at all, and it wasn’t like she couldn’t tell how selfish this was for her to do. There was no reason for Taako to get tied up in this if it wasn’t for her own desires.

“I don’t think I can just walk away from this,” she said finally, and Taako nodded. He didn’t look surprised, and he didn’t even look annoyed or anything.

“Alright then, I guess we’re doing this,” he said, and Lup couldn’t help but grin a little at that.

“You’re the best brother in the world. In spite of just, ya know, your whole everything,” she said, Taako giving a very offended expression at that.

_ “Because _ I’m such a good brother I’m going to ignore that comment,” he said, and Lup snorted at that.

“’ppreciate it,” she said.

They spent the next couple of hours in this room, unpacking the small amount of items they’d managed to bring along and discussing the details of this as much as they could. They still didn’t know a whole lot about everything after all, but they could get some things sorted out. Specifically how much they were going to trust these people (not at all) and how much they were going to tell them (as little as possible.)

The Director kept up on her promise to swing by again a few hours later to see how they were doing.

“Pretty good Madame D, a heck of an adjustment, that’s for sure,” Lup said, and she was going to try to approach all of this as normally as possible. Sure, that was a little hard since nothing about this was normal, but she definitely didn’t want these people thinking they had any sort of ulterior motive.

“Of course, please take as much time as you need to get accustomed to all of this. Know I’m always here to help in any way,” the Director said, and she sounded earnest enough. Not enough to counteract all the things that made Lup know that she couldn’t trust her, but enough that she could pretend to trust her and even feel it enough for it to be believable.

“Well there’d definitely one way to can help out, just sorta off the top of my head,” Taako said, and the Director raised an eyebrow at that, looking intrigued.

“Of course, what do you need?”

“Some sort of game plan would be nice. Are we just chilling up here until you find one of these deathbringer items? Is there like, a particular  _ job _ you want from us, what’s the payrate, insurance? Meal plans? Those kinda things. I think we’re adjusted enough to start getting into that nittygritty,” he said, and Lup was glad she could always count on her brother to be the practical one in whatever weird situation they found themselves in. The director didn’t seem bothered by the barrage of questions, giving an understanding nod.

“Yes, I think it would be a good idea to get some of those things settled if you both are feeling ready. How about I give you a small tour of the lab as we talk, and we can be sure to get you both some lunch,” the Director said. Sharing a quick glance with Taako they nodded, following the woman out of their new little room.

“As I said before, this is not what we have planned for our permanent base of operation. It is our first attempt at many of the technologies we’ll be using to build our permanent base, and once that is set up the plan is to fully convert this into a lab for Dr. Miller and her son. They're the scientists who have made all of this possible,” the Direction started going on as they walked down the hall.

“Impressive, we gonna get to meet these nerds?” Lup asked, curious despite herself. This was the most advanced place she’d ever see, and she’d always been drawn more towards magic than science, but she could certainly see the appeal.

“Of course, you actually already met one of them. Maureen’s son Lucas was the one who operated the canon that brought us up here,” the Director said. Lup hadn’t paid him much mind, mostly because she’d been feeling pretty fucked up at the time, but she could definitely remember the guy now.

“That nerdlord?” she asked, getting the slightest amused smile out of the Director.

“He… grows on you,” she said, and Taako scoffed at that.

“Yeah, like a foot fungus,” he muttered, and Lup snickered at that. The Director ignored them both, continuing to show them through the bits of this place they hadn’t seen before, and Lup could see how the design was set up as some sort of giant lab. It wasn’t exactly the kind of place she would hang out normally, but she was pretty sure she could get used to it.

“Our organization is still quite new, but as we expand we intend to have a series of checks and balances to ensure that our members are not overwhelmed by the thrall cast out by the grand relics,” the Director continued. They had gotten to a large, circular room that currently seemed to be acting as a library. “This is where the first of three branches has begun doing their work. The seekers, these people will be responsible for researching the relics and locating them,” she explained.

“Nerd desk jockies, got it. This where you want us or what?” Taako asked, and the Director shook her head.

“Not quite, but you are of course free to use the library whenever you like,” she added, and Lup couldn’t help but perk up at that. Taako was still feigning disinterest, but Lup knew that her brother was just as much of a glutton for knowledge as she was.

“We’ll be sure to take you up on that,” Lup said, following the Director as they continued on their tour. The base honestly wasn’t that big, and the kitchen was a proper kitchen, larger than a regular one maybe, but not like a big cafeteria or something else you would expect from a whole organization. It didn’t take all that long for them to walk through most of the base, the director pointing out things here and there. Every so often they’d see other people walking through, but it was honestly pretty sparse.

They reached what seemed to be the top level of this whole lab, a large circular atrium garden, small trees and bushes planted around, and a little walking path around a pond in the center. As far as appeal went, it was definitely the nicest looking place in the whole lab.

There was only one other person hanging out at the moment though, some bard looking half elf sitting under a tree and fiddling with a violin, an irritated look on his face. The Director didn’t seem to pay him any mind as she started speaking again.

“This is the area currently designated for training for our last two branches of the bureau. This is the area I would be interested in offering you both a position in, as reclaimers. Once our seekers have located a Grand Relic, it will be your job to go down planet side and retrieve it, bringing it back to us to dispose of,” she explained, and it sounded simple enough. If she wasn’t talking about things that apparently had the potential to destroy the entire world.

“What’s the last branch?” Lup asked, and the Director frowned at that. Not like she disapproved of the question, but like the topic just wasn’t a pleasant one.

“The last branch are the regulators. These will be individuals who, if a reclaimer or seeker ever breaks against the bureau and manages to claim a grand relic for their own, will be sent in to… stop them from causing any destruction, using any means necessary,” she explained.

“Ah,” Taako said, it pretty clear what was going on with this whole thing. 

“Yes well, with all luck it won’t ever have to come to that,” she said, and Lup nodded, not sure how much she believed that. Still, they were in way too deep at this point.

They just had to see it through to the end.

—

The train ride seemed relatively normal, all things considered.

Barry wasn’t sure if he’d ever even been on a train before, but it was somewhat relaxing, sitting there watching the places fly by as they sped along. Nothing stuck long enough for him to get a good view, making it all look unfamiliar. He had no way to know if it was the first time he’d ever seen any of these places before, because it was all going just too fast to tell.

He didn’t know if he’d call it nice exactly, but it was enough to kind of numb his mind from the reality of what he was doing.

Or at least it was until he would look over at the seat across from him again and remembered that Angus was still here. That was something that was a little hard to forget, but oh boy was he trying to.

“What do you think we’ll find when we get there sir?” Angus asked, pulling him out of his thoughts once again. For his part the kid really wasn’t chattering on or anything, but Barry was already regretting letting him come along.

“I don’t know, a town?” he said, because he really had no clear expectations. He had no idea what Ravens Roost was other than a name on a map, and surely that had to be suspicious. He had no idea why though, the whole thing was incredibly frustrating.

“I mean besides that sir, in relation to your mystery,” Angus clarified, and Barry sighed.

“Yeah, I know what you meant kid,” he said, because he wasn’t dumb. At least not in that way. “I have no idea okay, we’ll see when we get there, alright?” he added, and that seemed to get it though his head, Angus nodding. It was quiet after that, and somehow the quiet decided to be even worse than the talking. “You know, if I get arrested for letting you come along I’m gonna be pissed,” he blurted out, only getting an amused look from Angus in response.

“I don’t think you need to worry about that sir, I’ve worked with the Neverwinter militia before. If they do suspect you of anything I’ll be sure to clear your name. After all you didn’t even want me to come along,” he said, and even though it was strange as all get out there was some small relief in hearing that.

They ended up having to change trains once, and when they finally reached their stop Barry was trying not to get twitchy. They still had another two days of travel by cart, but they were getting closer. Whether they were actually getting close to any sort of answers, it was pretty much impossible to say. Still, they had to be getting towards something. He had to believe there was something to actually  _ find. _

“We should get some dinner. We’ll catch a cart in the morning,” he said as they stepped off the train, stretching until his back cracked. Angus nodded, and Barry could see the kid trying to stifle a yawn. It wasn’t all that late, but a full day of travel tended to take it out of you.

Barry wasn’t heartless enough to make the kid pay for his own food, not at this point. Sure, it was cheap food from the first street vendor he could find, but it was food none the less and Angus didn’t complain. There was definitely something weird about traveling around with a kid, but it also somehow wasn’t as strange as he thought it would be. He was so used to being alone, he thought having someone else around at all for such a long amount of time would start to grate on him. Somehow though the longer it went on the more he felt himself relaxing to the idea.

At least, until they got to an inn and he started getting them a room. 

“That’ll be eight gold for you and your son,” the innkeeper said, and almost on reflex Barry went to correct her. He only managed to think better of it at the last moment, snapping his mouth shut and nodding as he handed over the money. He guessed the kid was a pretty good detective, because he certainly seemed to realize how uncomfortable Barry was with the suggestion by the time they got back to their room.

“To be fair sir, it’s probably a good cover to make sure no one suspects you of kidnapping,” he spoke up once they were alone, and the annoying thing was that he wasn’t wrong. That didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.

“Yeah, don’t get used to it,” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair. Damn, everything hurt. “Let’s just get some sleep, I want to be out of here first thing in the morning,” he said, Angus nodding enthusiastically at that.

“Of course sir! The mystery won’t wait for us to sleep in,” he said. Barry rolled his eyes at that, but at least he had the decency to have his back turned towards the kid while he did. He was like eight, of course he was like this.

He did end up waking bright and early though, fucking earlier than Barry had even strictly wanted to. Still, he guessed it didn’t hurt to get his butt in gear and head out as soon as possible. Just so that he could prove to himself that he  _ existed. _

“I think we’re getting close sir!” Angus said, and they were well into their second day of travel since the train, so he was probably right. Kid was damn near bouncing in his seat on the cart Barry had managed to rent, and it was a wonder he hadn’t fallen off or something yet. Hell, it was a wonder that Barry hadn’t lost his patience and tried to ditch the little guy.

He guessed there was something nice about having another person around though. At the very least, it kept him from getting too bored on the journey.

“Maps aren’t my thing, but I think you’re right,” he said, and he was mostly going on the directions from someone he’d asked in the last town. It was starting to get really hilly and craggy, which apparently meant they were coming right onto it. The whole town was built up on these giant natural pillars, and well, Barry thought he would remember being somewhere like that before. Maybe not though.

Maybe it was just Angus, his excitement was infectious, but Barry had to resist the urge to drive the cart that little bit faster. He wasn’t going to get his hopes up, there probably wouldn’t be anything there.

Then they crested the next hill, and well…

He hadn’t meant that  _ literally. _

“What… what happened?” Angus asked, and Barry hadn’t even realized he’d brought the cart to a stop until the kid spoke. They were still some distance off from the town, but the damage was evident even from here. There wasn’t any active smoke, but the midday sun nicely illuminated the broken and crumbled pillar, the snapped bridges still hanging up in the air.

“I don’t know,” he said, sounding just as gobsmacked as he felt. After a moment he shifted so that the look of shock on his face shifted into a frown, getting the cart moving again. “I don’t know, but we gotta go see,” he said, Angus nodding sharply next to him.

There was a road that branched off down under the town, and Barry decided to take that one first. It didn’t look as often used, but he wasn’t sure how stable the rest of those pillars were. It wouldn’t hurt to get a look at the wreckage first, before chancing going up to see the rest.

Getting the cart as close as he figured was safe, Barry quickly tied it off and started heading over. He barely got a few steps out before Angus was running ahead, and whatever instincts he had for keeping kids alive started to kick in.

“Hey! Don’t go running off! You’ll get yourself killed that way,” he snapped, and it at least got the kid to slow down a little.

“I’m fine sir, I’m being careful. This looks like it might be a bit old anyway,” he said, and Barry couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at that as he followed after the kid now.

“Does it?” he asked, and Angus nodded.

“It looks like a lot of wagons and carts came through here a while ago, probably to pick through the rubble. Seems like they petered off a bit though,” he said, and Barry looked to where he was pointing at the ground. There were tracks, thoroughly stomped and drug through the ground, but he had no idea how to tell how fresh they were or anything like that. “I’d guess it’s been maybe a week? Two weeks?”

“Of course,” Barry said, and he didn’t expect himself to sound so…  _ bitter. _ “So this whole thing was a giant waste of time,” he snapped, kicking at some rocky debris by his feet.

“That’s not true sir. We could see if there are still people living up in the standing pillars. We haven’t even looked yet, we could find some answers,” Angus insisted, but Barry shook his head. He didn’t bother to even look over at the kid as he went and sat down on a slab of stone so big it might have one been a part of a street.

“There’s nothing to find, there wasn’t  _ ever _ anything to find,” he insisted, glaring down at the ring on his hand. “I can’t believe I came all this way chasing  _ ghosts. _ Just… go home kid,” he said, and he could feel the fight dying inside of him. It just wasn’t fair.

“I’m not leaving sir, not until we find something,” Angus insisted. Barry’s head snapped towards him now, because he didn’t have  _ time _ to argue with some kid. He never should have even let the brat tag along in the first place. All of this had been a huge mistake.

“I  _ said-” _ he started to yell, but before he could finish someone cut him off.

“Hey!” a voice called, and Barry immediately snapped his mouth shut, not expecting anyone else to be there. “You shouldn’t let your kid play around here,” they continued.

Barry turned towards the voice, and the guy who was standing there looked dead on his feet. He was big and muscular and everything about him said he was a strong, healthy guy, but he looked like he hadn’t slept in a month. He looked like he had seen  _ hell. _

Considering the mess they were currently standing next to, that might not be too far off.

“He’s not mine,” Barry said, because of course that was what his brain decided was the important bit.

“I’m not playing sir,” Angus added. The guy stared at them for a moment, rubbing his eyes and seeming to have to take a second to process what was going on.

“You two aren’t from around here? I don’t recognize you,” he said, and then a thought seemed to occur to him, a grimace passing over his face. “Did- did you have family…” he trailed off, his eyes looking back over at the rubble. Barry quickly shook his head.

“No! No it’s… it’s not important. We’re just traveling through. Do you know what happened here?” he asked, and the guy sighed heavily.

“Yeah, uh, you just get here? We can go up to the still standing parts of town. It’s stable, and it’s all pretty much empty at this point,” he said, and Barry hesitated a moment before nodding. It wouldn’t hurt, he would want to rest before heading out again anyway.

“Sounds good,” he said, pushing himself back up to his feet. “I’m Barry Bluejeans,” he said, and the guy seemed to think it over for a moment before nodding.

“Magnus Burnsides,” he said, turning back around and appearing to just trust them to follow.

“Angus, we’re going!” he called back to the kid, who quickly scrambled after them.

“Coming!” he answered. Starting to follow this guy, it wasn’t hard for Barry not to get his hopes up now. He’d spent all this time chasing feelings, just ghosts of memories that probably didn’t even exist.

Of course all he would find doing that was a ghost town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hey it's sure been a minute, couple of months since I updated this one. I guess one could say things have been and continue to be a little wild lately. Still, I'm hoping to be able to get back into this one some more, I forgot how much fun I'm having and how many ideas i got. 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
